[Flexible Elf]

http://xploitzero.tripod.com/images/Comic2a.jpg

Here's page two. I know you guys who play Rifts RPG are gonna say.. HEHE!! Ley Lines!!

But the concept is a bit older.. like druidic Hope ya like.

BTW, both pages are on: http://www.geocities.com/flexible_elf/Comic.html

-Flexible Elf

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http://www.geocities.com/flexible_elf/Main.html

[This message has been edited by Flexible Elf (edited October 27, 2000).]

[aNoah]

WHOA, that's awesome. You are a pro, right?!




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-aNoah
My Gallery

[Chapel]

The art itself is fantastic FE. However, the storytelling and the writing are not quite at the same level. When I say storytelling I really mean storyboards. Maybe you need an editor.. hehe.

/me raises his hand.

[edible snowman]

i get what the comic is saying, but it could be a little more clear if it was more obvious which building was being blown up at the end, maybe put that dragon back in the background somewhere. Also, just a thought, maybe if you showed one or two more cells of the evil mage guy earlier in the page, it could build up suspense more.

[Isric]

I love you.

[Sergenth]

Very good stuff Flex and I agree with the crits above me. Pacing is a hard thing to attempt. I have an idea for a comic and the way I'm approaching pacing is:

Year one: Think about storyline and characters.
Year 2: Write down ideas I've thought about...
Year 4: Draw a picture of a character, any character :I
Year 8: Build time machine to go back to first quarter of Year 1 and continue my "pacing" >:P

My pacing is good, hehe.

and my immediate feeling is that I want to read some more of this good stuff

Aren't Ley lines or some variant in Robert Asprin's "Myth Adventures" series as well?

[Flexible Elf]

Thanks fellas.

I agree with all of your guys' crits.

When I can work page to page my storytelling is quite a bit better (I promise). But in this format I have **so much** story to tell per page it gets really cluttered and the storytelling and pacing gets a pretty stepped on (splash pages are about out of the question). This page could have (and should have) realistically been 3 pages long (like panel 5 is integral to knowing where he is and should be an establishing shot. But no can do with the space I had). But for me to split it up into 3 pages like that when I'm only getting one done a week is going to make people lose interest quick (with this format I need a cliffhanger damn near every time in some way, and it needs space). But the double-edged sword is that since the story and pacing are also rushed, reader interest also plummets. As is evident here.

/me shrugs..

maybe this format aint werkin'. Perhaps I should either scrap it or start from scratch. I'm leaning more towards starting over with a different storyline.. with me producing more pages and being able to split it up a bit (more like a true comic book). I dunno.. You all seem to have the same gripe so I'm definitely doing it wrong :/

Thanks for helpin' me see the light guys.

-Flexible Elf

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http://www.geocities.com/flexible_elf/Main.html

[Nex]

Thats really cool.

And Rifts rules btw

[CapnPyro]

HEHE!! Ley Lines!!

heh, yah. i play(ed) a bunch of palladium games. the comic os coming aloong nicely. I think the pacing is pretty goood, it's pretty darn impossible to NOT know what house is being blown up, as this is the only house shown. it is a definite hook though, you want to turn the page and find out if they died or whatnot. It'll be interesting to see how you relate the knight to the theft of the ley line. This might even work out well as a flash comic.. click a button and it fades by.. i dunno, i generally don't like flash comics though, i enjoy being able to see ever piece of art onthe page at any given time (in case i forget or want to reread something earlier, or just thought something looked cool)

I don't really want to critique it, because i think it's great the way it is and cant wait to see more.

-Capn

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http://home1.gte.net/capnpyro

[Binke]

Hey FE, that is very cool. But I think that the story telling/layout was better in page1.
Anyways the art is great, keep it up

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Art Dimensional

[Ian]

me drools...

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One man's hill is another man's mountain.

[Flexible Elf]

Thanks again for the feedback peoples.

I also played Rifts once upon a time in Junior High.. hehe.

They say that you should be able to guess/follow the story of any page without having read any of the dialogue.. it's funny how this page is almost easier to follow without the dialogue.. heh.

I'm thinking I'll either continue on with this comic with a new plan (more pages, better pacing) or start over with a new idea. What do you guys think?

-Flexible Elf

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http://www.geocities.com/flexible_elf/Main.html

[Delucubus]

Hey its only page 2. It doesn't seem clear now, but everything clears up in the end.

Nice job, i love your stuff.

[Jenn]

Sweet FE! YAY! Whens the next one going to surface????



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DarkChyld

[Gambit]

Great stuff Thanks for posting it!

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Gamingvault.com

[Chapel]

I think you are limiting yourself by forcing everything into one page at a time. The way you should be going about this is writing first then think about the art and the storyboards. If you do both at the same time then both will suffer. I think you have a great idea here and that it could be better. Let me know if you want help with anything.

[Flexible Elf]

Yeah you're right Chapel.. I'll definitely let you know.

-Flexible Elf

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http://www.geocities.com/flexible_elf/Main.html