[Impaler]

Alright. Most of you aren't parents yet, but most of you will be.

Question here is obvious: Do you ground your kid for small stuff AND big stuff or do you not ground them at all for anything they do? (withholding major crimes and such)

Old school discipline dictates you ground the kid to teach the kid/punish him to instill remorse.

New school discipline dicates you be less of a nark and more of a role-model. You know, like, concentrate more on the good stuff and less on the bad stuff and such.

I'm more for the new school discipline. Grounding just makes a kid bitter and bitchy and depressed. Makes the parents the oppressor in the kid's perspective.

Scenario: The kid gets a D+ in a math class.

Solution A (old school): "Jesus. A D+. You are grounded mister!" Kid gets grounded for weeks on end. Everything gets taken away. Can't go out with the friends. Can't use the computer/phone/TV/video games/everything.

Solution B: "Jesus. A D+. You're not gonna get into college with a D+. What's the deal? Do your homework. Hey! You got 5 A's. Tell you what. Bring up your grade in math and we'll forget this D+." Kid doesn't get grounded, but sternly reprimanded. Kid feels guilty as hell, parents help him with homework, problem solved.

Of course, in reality, there's far too many variables, like how the kid reacts with his freedom, etc.

Which is the better?

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My signature is slightly better than yours.

[nova]

maybe i'm not the one to answer, but maybe a view from the other side would help.

solution B.

I'm 17 and i've never been 'gounded', only priviledges related to the problem (ie video games taken when i played instead of doing hw). i remember my friends in middle school got grounded all the time, an i heard things like "yeah, i got grounded, AGAIN.. i don't even think my grounding from last week is over yet, oh well. no big deal." kids seem to get immune.

if there's really a problem, reprimandation and help is better than the old school approach.



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*nova
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[[Shizo]]

Hehehe yeah grounding is one funny thing that happens in america to poor children LOL.
Lived all my life in russia, a few other european countries, and NEVER heard what the hell that was. Not even a problem... When i came here somebody said that someone else was grounded and i went: "whaa?? Somebody put him on the ground?" lol

Parents dont have a big control over us russian kids though LOL, but in communistic times they did (like 20 years ago)

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Nothing really matters to me

[Matt Elder]

I'd go for solution B but that requires more effort on the part of adults (which now a days they don't seem to have). If you treat kids like A, they are probably more likely to see you as the 'enemy', less likely to consider you as a 'friend' rather than a parent. If there is more of a 'friend' relationship, they are more likely to trust you and come to you with problems. That not only helps them but enriches both peoples lives as it is shared together, not hidden.

If the parent was active in the kids life, they would probably know that they were going to get a D (either through lack of effort or just not being 'gifted' in that area). I think the best example was one time years ago when I had a 'parent-teacher' thing. The parent before us was getting upset because little Johnny had gotten an C in physics and everything else they did they got A+. When the parent asked the teacher why this was, the teacher responded that not everyone is good at everything. Little johnny tries hard but just doesn't 'get it', there is nothing wrong with that.

The parent was outraged "Your not doing your job properly and teaching him, I have to suppliment your teaching with extra tutors and out of school help, I spend a fortune on this and this is the best he can do. I by him the best of everything etc...."

The teacher responded "You spend money ON him but how much time do you spend WITH him". The parent missed the point and continued arguing. It's like most other things, you get out of it what you put into it.

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See ya on da flip side
Matt
http://www.mattelder.com

[Cooter]

My parents subscribed to option C, "Wait til your father gets home."

Ma would totally get pissed, stop talking entirely... and you just knew the preverbial $hi* was going to hit the fan when Dad walked through the door. Nothin' bad ever happened to me, but man my Dad just had a way about him that could scare the crap outta you without really trying... LOL man.

Mom also taught me the best thing to ever not do when raising a kid. Never EVER send the child to his/her room. I mean in my case that's where the video games, art supplies, books, toys and things were. Who wouldn't want to go sit there and play for six hours? She would say... "Go to the Laundryroom.", or "Go sit in the bathroom... and take that History book with you." You know how BORING it is sitting in there with your History book... UUUUghhh... I must say I do like History a great deal more now.

[Maruman]

hmm nah i'm so not for grounding and shit like that. its dumb and it doesnt acheive anything, only creates resentment and anger.

also do you know how damaging over protective parents are. ... umm got go go bbs

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----PORN PHOTOSHOP AND 3DMAX----All you need for life-Digital CatGirl

[Freddio]

grounding is so American

new school..

Respect is everything but a mix of new school and old school is good.....
more so new school though..

[Jezebel]

Yeah, I remember my parents would ground me and lock me in a damp cellar for 7 months, while periodically coming down to stuff me into a burlap sack and beat me with bamboo reeds. That's what happens to everyone when they are grounded .... right ...?

*twitch*

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Take off your clothes. It's OK - I'm an artist.

[url=http://div.dyndns.org/FOO!]http://div.dyndns.org/FOO![/url]

[Ian]

Yuppers, I know exactly where yous folks is coming from...
When I was younger (6-12??) My parents would always go with "A"
[i.e. GO TO YOUR ROOM!!! YOU CAN'T LEAVE THIS YARD FOR A WEEK!!! NO SLEEP OVERS!!! or worst of all NO FUCKING COMPUTER!!!]
but later they started going with methods such as.
"Well yes that grade sucks ass, (my dad actualy says this) but just bring it up by next quarter and you wont lose everything dear to your heart"
the shitty scary thing is, parents seem to know EXACTLY (I think they see it in your eyes or something) what you Do NOT want them to take away from you.
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when I have kids I will probably give some sort of lecture when the first family computer is bought.
"Ok Kids, this is a computer, it is your best friend and your worst enemey. It helps you get work done, and it calls to you from across the house to log on and waste time."
I would try to stop the problem before it started and ask my kids what the have for homework that day. If the answer,
"Augh, you know, shit..."
Then I go over it with them and make sure they understand it and that they are not struggling with it and thinking,
"I don't get it, fuck it, I'll play on the computer now.."
============================================
Basically I have found the computer to be great and fabulous and I love it, but also one of the most draining things I have in my room. It causes me to waste lots of time I should be using studying and doing homework. (As you see I have very little self-control, hell im on it right now aren't I?)
Thats all really, hope this keeps the post hot.

Peace, Out.
Ian

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One man's hill is another man's mountain.

MyHill

[Bugscratch]

Oh well I remember that my parents thought I was playing too many games at the computer (well they were right.... I played like 12 hours a day, but I didn't care ) and locked the room so that I couldn't play. What they did NOT know was that I had the second key to that room's door .
But anyways, what Ian said is pretty right. Too often I use the computer as a lame excuse not to do my work. Sitting at the table thinking over a problem I don't understand I often think "You know there's still yadiyadiyada to do at the computer", and since it's standing right here at my desk I too often give in to the temptation. Especially since it's switched on most of the day anyways.
I also like your idea of telling the kids about the problem of the computer and to teach them to do their homework before sitting at the computer to play games or stuff. I wish my parents had done that. Would have saved me a lot of trouble in school. I'm still pretty good in school but I guess that's mostly luck and maybe some abilities I carried over from back when I didn't have a computer of my own.....

-bugscratch

[This message has been edited by Bugscratch (edited December 02, 2000).]

[JohnGone]

Nothing to see here, folks.

[Spitfire]

quote:

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Kid doesn't get grounded, but sternly reprimanded. Kid feels guilty as hell, parents help him with homework, problem solved.

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Yeah right

Kid doesnt get grounded but sternly reprimanded. Kid gets fucking pissed off, tells dad to go fuck himself sideways and doesnt make homework for a week just to piss dad off.

That�s more like it. No faith in the human race and especially not in teenagers.