[Lunatique]

I've just quit my job as a studio art director for games to pursue my life-long passion--music. I've done professional work as a musician off and on in the last 17 years, but now I'd like to make it stick. Holding down a non-musical day job only made me miss music every minute I'm away from making music. It just got more and more unbearable over the years. I'm now 35--not getting any younger. If I don't follow my heart now I'll end up old and full of regrets. Luckily, our investments in China can sustain us so I probably don't need to try to match my income in CG with music, but if our investments don't do well, then I'll have to get back to doing things I don't quite love for the money. But for now, I'm looking forward to fully immersing myself in the world of music--composing scores for games, film, TV, and also more personal solo works and also collaborating with others in the form of bands, producing others...etc.

Along with music, I also love film, writing, and photography, and I'll keep on doing them in my "freetime." I don't know if I'll be doing any more art for a while--after 17 years of working as a professional artist, I think I'm pretty much burnt out. Maybe I'll do some personal works once the charred soul heals a bit.

[Jimmyjimjim]

Hey, Lun-

They hiring someone to replace you?

Sorry, had to. lol

Seriously, you're living the dream, man. Congratulations and good luck!

[Max]

You can't do anything wrong if you follow your dreams Rob. By everything you have said so far and I have seen from you I am sure you will make it. Passions are very strong. I guess it might be hard at the beginning however try not to get conducted by money too soon. Sure, it's important to keep a standart. What is it worth tho, if your daily life suffers from the feeling that there is seomthing else you would like to do, but can't because you have to afford a house, car, etc. All things that are important, just not as important as being fullfilled. Keep it up. And keep us updated. Enjoy your life - Good luck ;D

[Lunatique]

[Tzan]

When you left work for the last time did you get a feeling of a great weight being lifted and a stupid smile on your face?

I left a job once that I really hated and had been there 2 years. It was a very amazing feeling on the way out.
----

I have 2 years worth of money in the bank and a desire to make a small game based on that minifig design I have in WIP area. But I feel trapped in this architecture career for the same reason you mentioned. Its where I've spent the most time and can make the most money.

The 70 year old architect I do contract work for may retire soonish, then he will be refering people to me. So I might get a mid 6 figure income. Its hard to walk away from that possibility.


Good Luck.

[Jabo]

Good luck on this! Pursuing your dreams is important and you sound really eased that you made the move. Hope it all goes well for you!
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CA SB|Flickr

[Andromeda]

good luck Luna ....
=]

[Lunatique]

Thanks guys!

[neff]

I really hope u get the job, who's fits for your music interests. You are such a great artist in every direction.
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[Tzan]

[Joe84]

wow thats huge news. good luck lun, honestly the best way is follow which ever way that makes you happy. not many people get the privilege to do so. i hope that passion continues to grow as you get deeper into it

[Mikko K]

Good luck man, hope things turn out fine! It must have been a difficult decision, different from switching a McJob to a games art job.

[Tzan]

Some musical inspiration for you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1R828rFd2aI&feature=related

[Lunatique]

Joe84 - I just hope I don't end up getting burnt out on music like I did with art. That would be tragic.

Mikko - Definitely different. The big career changes I've made in the past have always been to a better paying industry/job. For example, when I quit comics I was making pathetic money, so going back to a regular job (sales) I actually had more financial stability. Then going from that to the video game industry as an artist, my income instantly doubled, and over the years it's double again as I made my way up the ranks in game production. Now switching to music, I'm pretty much starting from scratch again, having to build a client list from ground up. It's like having to get my foot in the door all over again. Ideally I wouldn't have to care if our investments continue to do well and music just remains a passion instead of a form of income.

Luckily this time I don't have to hold down a day job for the time being so I can at least do it without fear of starving or scraping together enough free time to do it. One of the smartest things anyone can do is to invest the money they make wisely, because that's the only way you can do something like this. Simply saving up your money so you can live off of it for a year or two while you try something new is fine, but if you invest that money wisely, it'll generate more continuous income for you so your savings don't just run out after a year or two.

But seriously, I'm making huge sacrifices to do this. Most of you know how much I dislike living in China when I did it years ago, and how happy I was to be back in the States. Now I'm back in China again because it's the only way we can afford to live a comfortable life off of our investments, as it's far too expensive to live in the States (especially for us in the Bay Area). Being in China, I have no friends or family, with my wife as the only person I talk to. I cannot make friends here because it's next to impossible to find others with similar mentality, values, lifestyle, passions...etc. I have tried in the 5 years I last lived here and even in the creative circle, people have already been affected too much by this corrupt society that I have very little in common with them. When I really try hard to make friends, it always eventually become an exercise in anthropological study instead of a real connection and genuine friendship, and it's very obvious they see me in the same way. I'll keep trying though, because living solely on the internet can get a bit weird after a while. I've sort of gotten used to it though from the last time I lived in China.

Other than social life, other things like lack of professional or high-end equipment, unreasonable laws and corrupt government, very dangerous traffic (just search for "crazy driving in China" on youtube), unsafe food and water, fake and unsafe products, limited access to information (internet is censored here)...etc are also a huge step backwards from the States. If you want quality brands it's even more expensive than the States, and many models you can't even order here. Certain types of products can't even be found here (for example, they only started selling floss here a few years ago, and we had to buy them from the States). Although China is changing very fast and trying to catch up with the rest of the world, they are always many steps behind (for example, a product you couldn't find now will be introduced into the China market a couple of years later, but some never make it here). The best I can do is to make my home my sanctuary--my fortress of sanity and comfort. Whatever I can't find in China I'll import from the States (and suffer the expensive shipping fee and import tax), such as a reliable whole-house water filtration system.

So, yeah, this all comes with a price. But music has been a life-long dream and it's now or never.

Tzan - Dude, that's some weird shit. How did that come about?

[Tzan]

I have no idea.
In the comments area it says it was in the ending credits of the movie. I havent seen the movie yet so I dont know.

A guy on a different forum found this, thought you might like it

[Mikko K]

Interesting! I thought that due to your ethnic background you'd find yourself comfortable in China, and it's strange that's it's actually the other way around.

It makes sense though. Living in the UK seemed to me like it was 80's all over again in many ways. Canada feels much more "European", when it comes to how things work here (you don't have to spend a day in a bank to open a freakin' chequing account). It's been so easy, very similar to Scandinavia.

Very interesting to read about these experiences. Thanks and good luck!

[Duracel]

To make this really big change with all those living compromises ... you seem to be really burnt out or music is really your love.
But life is change, isn't it? So big decisions always make you feel the pulse of life, and thats what we are searching for. From time to time its hard to realize that you can't have all the good and that you have to left things behind.
But if you're still with your love, than its a win and it will always feel lik a right decision. Congratulations!
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Lars G�tze

www.duracel.de Gallery

Detailling a speedpainting is nothing but speedpainting in detail.

[nova]

Hey Lunatique!

It's awesome that you're making such a big decision based on your passions.. i think a lot of people in this world want to do pursure something else (whatever that may be) but make enough excuses, like being stuck in a cushy income that they end up moving nowhere, especially after they're married, etc. but they're never truly happy. BUt knowing you you're not like most people, very passionate about your dreams.. I can't imagine you'd be happy ending up somewhere that's mediocre. You encouraged me when i was just starting out! (here i should take my own advice since i just turned 25 and am wondering about what the future holds.. even though my job is awesome right now)

have you read the Alchemist? someone, one of my mentors, told me to read it when i was thinking about what i should do with myself. I won't give the plot away, but it's a relatively short story about a boy who goes on a journey in search of something. Very simple plot but so beautiful and wise.. check it out if you haven't read it (you can get it pretty cheap on amazon!)

anyway, good luck.. i know whatever you end up doing will take you in the right direction.. always up

~ laura
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sketchblog

[Lunatique]

Laura!

Man, if I worked at Valve I'd stay put and not go anywhere! It was always a dream of mine to work at Valve and it never happened. Guess some dreams just don't come true.

Do you find that at 25, your priorities in life has changed? If you don't want to talk about it openly, PM/email me and we'll chat in private.

I actually have read The Alchemist years ago, and I liked it, even though it didn't rock my world like it did others. I think it's because I had already read a book that carried a similar message many years ago and it remains my favorite book in the world. In comparison, it's much more emotional and moving book than The Alchemist, and it's based in reality, not in fantasy/legend.

I talked to my older brother the other day, and in his opinion, simply living life doing what one enjoys is not enough--he must have power and fame, otherwise it's all a waste to him. I can understand where he's coming from, since a lot of creative people want more than just being able to do what they love--they want to become very good at it, respected by peers, critical acclaim, win awards, have financial success, go down in history books...etc. guess it's different for everyone how far they think they could reach to pluck a star out of the sky. I used to be very ambitious, but over the years I realized the most important thing is the love you feel for the things you are passionate about. Everything else is secondary. I think how you can tell if you really love doing something is if you win the lottery and never have to work again, or you are poor and only scrape by every month, you'd still want to do what you love, even if you're sure you'd never become famous for it--that's how you know.

[Jabo]

That whole "do great things sometime in the future" kind of living and working is something I just can't get out of my head. I tried to get that thought/goal out of the way, because I think it really hinders me at just doing things in a great way or become better. Everything I do, every "career change" (being 23, that sounds funny to me, but I think it's true no matter how old you are), at the end had me constantly thinking "some day, my time will come", and then nothing happened. Respect didn't increase, it was rather lost in the everyday obstacles you run into.

So when you say it's different for everyone, I tend to agree. Or rather, I think it changes over time. Personally, I'd get totally lost if there wasn't that glimpse of hope, for example to work for the companies you respect most nowadays (here, I can totally understand your wish to work for Valve, heh), or to own the kind of apartment in the city some day, and house in the mountains later. If I didn't have that� goal, my whole motivation would be lost instantly.

On the other side, I think you get pretty burnt out doing "what you want to do" all day long, but not to the degree you always wished to do. That's where people usually stand up and change their whole career. Both my sisters have started their own businesses lately. Seeing that they are 37, it's both a logical decision, speaking of how you don't get a job in this fucking country once you've turned 35. On the other hand, I think they've just seen what they always wanted to see and have now decided that it didn't make them as happy as they thought once. And that's no problem at all I think, it's just that once a dream becomes reality, it quickly becomes a job afterwards.
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CA SB|Flickr

[Lunatique]

I think it's probably both personal and an age thing. For myself, I noticed certain things over the years and that's how I came to the conclusion I did. I guess if I had to break it down, it'd be something like:

-I realized at some point that the most fun I have is when I'm actually in the middle of the creative process. That is the drug, the real reason why I do the things I do. If others like what I do, that's great, but it doesn't thrill me nearly as much as when I turn out something that "I" love. There are times when others really like something I did that I personally feel indifferent about, or I really like something I did but no one else seems to like it. In both cases, I just feel like something's out of sync, like a cognitive dissonance, and to me, that's not really helpful in making one happy in life. When I do something that I personally am proud of, and everyone else likes it too, that's a nice feeling, but the important factor still falls on whether "I" like what I did, otherwise it's back to that out of sync feeling.

-Over the years, there are often times when I felt like the fans of creative works seem to have all the fun but none of the stress or struggle that
"artistes" have to deal with. There are so many creative works being made constantly--fine art, films, photography, games, music, comic books, television, and so on. You can spend an entire lifetime just being happy as a fan of creative works, and you'd never run out of works to admire, immerse yourself in, collect, critique, share with other fans, or attend concerts, showings...etc. For many people, that is when they are the happiest--being immersed in the great works of others.

-Most "artistes" are also fans, and the inspiration they get from the works of others become part of the motivation to strive for greatness, so they can share the same arena and also inspire others. But, there are also those who seem to not care about the works of others (we see people say this sometimes in interviews)--they don't watch other people's films or TV shows, they don't listen to other people's music, and they don't look at other people's artwork--they are only concerned about their own creative works and prefer to stay in their insulated world. I would assume people like that are the minority, since most people I know became creative because they started out as fans and remained fans. I'm not sure if there's correlation between the desire to "make it" and whether you are a lone island or a fan.

- There's a Chinese saying that goes "The bigger the tree, the more wind it has to endure." When someone "makes it," they also become the bigger and more obvious target. People who don't like you or your work will write scathing articles about you, and often your "box-office worth" becomes the point of discussion, and critical acclaim becomes an after-thought. How is a film director supposed to feel if the commercial crap he directed is making bank and breaking records, but every personal and "serious" film he's made end up losing money? Or if a musician released a new album that he feels is a real metamorphasis and a testament to his growth as a musician, but all the fans hate it, and the critics say "He's lost the magic. Maybe he's a one-hit wonder afterall." We experience similar issues when we nobodies post our works in forums and note the reactions of our peers, but when someone makes it big, they have to endure it at a much more intense level. So in the end, the only way to go on is to simply try to please yourself only, because you just can't please everyone else. I'm sure there are people out there who are lucky enough to have always had the critics on their side, and their works had always been financial successes while following their heart and doing what they want to do. Maybe for people like that, they never had to stop and think about whether "trying to make it" is a good or bad thing--they just do what they do and the rest happens automatically.

-Whether critical acclaim and financial success will find us depends on so many factors, some of which we have no control over anyway. It's also a personality issue. Some people get a kick out of sharing their work with others and being part of the community, while some people can't be bothered to even make a website or join a forum. I would have to assume that if two people are identical in personality, talent, and style, but one is a sharing type and the other is a recluse, it'll be the sharing that one will more likely "make it," simply due to more exposure. Then there's also the level of aggression in which you are "sharing" yourself." Some people will enter every creative contest under the sun to try to win something, or actively seek out agents, publishers, employers, plaster their work everywhere...etc, while some will draw the line at making a website or joining a forum.

At the age of 35, I know that what I love the most fall into three parts:
1) Being a fan and enjoying the creeative work of others.
2) The act of creating something, and enjoying the process/result.
3) Interacting and sharing with like-minded folks, whether they are other fans or other creative people.

My state of mind right now is to just enjoy myself, doing what I love. If I have works that I feel are good enough to share with the world, I will, otherwise they stay on my hard drive. If I feel something I've done should be shared with a wider audience, then I'll approach the proper channels to get the work out there, and the level of aggression I do it with will depend on how badly I want the work out there. I will refrain from doing projects just for money or credit, and I'll only do something if I feel I will enjoy the process (of course this will change when our financial stability changes). I think if I just follow this guideline, I should be fine.

[Max]

Wise and inspiring words Luna!

[Mikko K]

Interesting thoughts there Luna.

Here's a good link I saw on CA, it's Alan Moore discussing success and doing art for the right reasons. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGq-9X3ho7U

I loved this part especially:
"you can be famous and moderately wealthy by just going on Big Brother... Especially these days, fame means nothing, and increasingly money doesn't mean that much either"

It certainly makes you think.

Another good part was:
"If you're doing what you love, even if you're not making any money out of it, you're still better off than 99% of people who are not doing what they love.. They're doing something that just gets them by".

[Max]

[Jimmyjimjim]

[The Insane Lemur]

[Jimmyjimjim]

[Lunatique]

Wasn't there some survey where they discovered that people who had won the lottery mostly said they were a lot happier before they got rich?

In the 8 years I starved in the comic book industry, I was always behind on rent, couldn't afford to buy food, and never knew how I was going to make it through another month. If the car broke down, I had no money to get it fixed. Although I was calling my own shots and writing/illustrating my own stories, it eventually got very tiring. It also got discouraging too to see so many really crappy mainstream comics making it big that had horrible art and writing, and were obviously created for the sake of banking in on the collector's market (Rob Liefeld, anyone?), while you pour your heart and soul into your little indie title just to not even sell over 7,000 copies. It got to the point where even if the reviews were positive and there were fan mails, it just wasn't enough--I had to quit the comic book industry. I didn't want to go back to doing art-for-hire after I had already gotten my own creator's title, so I left altogether.

I never got into the industry to be some xxx-for-hire guy--I always knew I should be a creator and nothing else, and I still feel that way even after 10 years of working in games and animation, where almost all the projects I worked on were as some kind of xxx-for-hire. It was only when I worked at Optidigit/Android Blues that I got to be a creator again and was writing/directing my own visions. A big part of me knows that until I start telling my own stories again, I'll never be truly happy. Music may be the one thing that could compete with being a storyteller, and for now I'm glad to be able to concentrate on music, but in the back of my mind, I still often think about the stories I want to tell in the future. I've tried to get my stories out there by pitching them to company bosses, publishers...etc, and it's an extremely frustrating process because most of the time you are dealing with people who want to limit your vision and alter it in some way to fit what they consider a more bankable approach.

I'm now thinking that if I venture back into being a storyteller again, I'd do it all on my own terms, with zero compromise. The internet has made that possible for us, and there have been cases of success out there (web comics, indie animation titles...etc). I've been thinking about taking that kind of approach, and also taking my time doing it right, with no pressure from a publisher. It'll most likely be some kind of a multi-media approach where I get to write the story, illustrate/animate the art, compose the music, and maybe even record voice actors, although I'd prefer to not have to work anyone else if I could help it, since that always brings complication (if your main character's voice pulls out of the project you'd be screwed, for example). I'd probably put it out there for free, and play it by ear to see if it should become subscription based. If some commercial entity wants to buy it, then it'll have to be by my rules, with no compromises I can't live with, otherwise I'd rather remain indie. As long as our household income can remain from our business investments, I'd rather not be greedy with my creative works and just share it with the world for free--unless it becomes crazy popular and I'd have to start paying a lot of money for server traffic costs or something.

Heh, typing all that, a made-up sentence just popped into my head:

"You can shake people awake while they are dreaming, but they will always dream again and will go on dreaming until you kill them."

I think it kind of sums things up for those of us who's been through ups and downs and still going at it.

[Jabo]

[notic]

well, if you're having troubles to see anything from the positive side of life, you might be depressed, or getting there.

sometimes it's very hard to accept, but if people who care for you are telling you that they are concerned, it might be a good idea to talk with someone in the health care about therapy. Travelling the world is alot of fun, but it will probably just postpone your problems, or might even come back at worst when just trying to relax on a beach at the other side of the world.

i've myself gone in therapy for my social anxiety(aka social phobia), which was successfully treated with the help of a good psychologist and CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy = no drugs, just talk) which basically means you break bad thought patterns and replace them with good ones.

i had a really hard time figuring out what was wrong with me, i had panic attacks at work constantly to the point that i considererd quitting my job. and all of this was caused by alot of stress, with an underlying negative self image.

social phobia does not mean that you're asocial though, this is pretty important to remember. people see me as a social, funny and easy going guy. not anyone noticed that i felt the way i did.

today i feel alot better, panic attacks are almost gone and i try to think positively about everything, it's been quite a journey..



mental issues is something to take seriously. it's surprising how negative thought patterns can lead to severe depressions.

People are very afraid to talk about it, not wanting to come off as a goofball, but the truth is, it can happen to anyone, just the same as anyone might get in a car crash.

so i hope you're understading me right here Jabo, i'm not saying you're on the virge of becoming jack nicholson in The Shining , just talk with someone and you might get a positive view on things.