[Freddio]

This is the first image of a series,
50% of my course mark relies on this series ;|

I dunno the lighting is all over the place but yea.. i've been so busy with all my other subjects thsat i've sort of neglected my art

crits would be very much apreciated.


thanks very much for your time.


ps its about 90% finished

[ June 15, 2002: Message edited by: Freddio ]

[Vesuvius]

most of it is great, and the figure (especially the shirt) is outstanding, but the base of the lamp needs some work, as does the yellow page on the table, which doesn't seem shaped corrrectly

[jasonN]

Looks fucking awesome!
I love the textured feeling it has. The lamp and hands look a little unfinished. But as you said, it's not finished.
The face is extremely well done also.

Are you going to print this out? What size and res are you going to get it printed at?

In the context of the HSC, I'm pretty sure you're technically better than most of the other students doing visual arts in NSW. I wouldn't worry about that factor.

What is the real killer is the conceptual side. The HSC markers love the 'ideas' behind your work so really try and push that. I have no idea how, but ask your teacher about it.

Don't be surprised if someone in your class that did something utterly weird and shit (like stick leaves on a piece of wood and paint it with tar) gets a higher marks than you. The HSC markers are the typical modern art enthusiasts so getting a good mark is totally up to their own subjective view of your work and what they like which means it's basically a lucky dip. Hopefully they will like your ideas.

Good luck with the HSC and show us some more stuff!

[Indian_Prophet]

Well, it certainly doesn't look like your hand writing in comparison to the materials at your site but nevertheless this does have some really good qualities to it. I like the coloring for it makes it seem very photo-realistic. If this is a photo paint over, I like the colors and if this is your free hand work you have improved a lot.

nice job

[Freddio]

Vesuvius: thanks

Jason: thanks, I'm going to get it professionaly printed, not to sure 300dpi hopefully and probably about 50cm in width.

This work is in a fact a recontextulised piece from Brian Dunlops painting "Hilary" 1973, in which I have recreated the painting in the space of my own room. This work contains many references to Dunlop, some are blatant eg the picture on the table and on the wall, but some are more sutle eg the renaisance style drapery seen in the shirt, which dunlop frequently encorpirates into his works. This is the first painting of a series which is illustrating the downward spiral of stress and anxiety which builds up upon ones self. The series will undertake a visual change in style and atmosphere as stress changes my persona into a dark and morbid character, and thus I will be evoking a physical change from the soft content style of Dunlop to the harsh theatrical style of the italian master carravagio.

Indian_Prophet:

yes well 80% of the work on my site was done when I was 15,

im 18 in 5 months, and i have obviously used a photoreference for my face. copying a photo isnt hard, it just takes time and a lot of patience, where as nearly all the work on my site is done without photo refs.

but thanks,

[elam]

This is really nice. I like the warm colors and the portrait is outstanding.

My only crit would be that the lamp needs refinement.

Good Luck!

[The Magic Pen]

Freddio...is there anybody that is even close to being as good an artist as you are in your high school...I highly doubt it

[Dr. Bang]

Oh damn, sorry, i thought its done so i didnt reply here hehe.

The pic is excellent. here,s a few of my crits: yellow paper is kinda out of shape, the lamp is too simple and transparent, give it some shading and it should look solid again. HMMMM,Thats about it, you're baiscly 99% done with the pic

[Indian_Prophet]

Well everybody every once in a while uses photo reference here and there. So, I'd say this piece has a lot going for it. It must have taken weeks eh?

[Lukiaz]

WOW!

Man in two years you've gone a loooong way.
Really impressive.
All the best.

[shahar2k]

as most of my experience comes from anatomy, I'd say that I love the texture and tone of the picture first, now the figure looks pretty good, infact the face has no flaws that I can see whatsoever, the neck is good, the folds in the shirt make it look a bit like a toga but you put them in for a reason, so I guess I'll leave it alone, some perspective is off, as you've been told with the paper on the desk, and the monitor and keyboard look a bit off, the monitor more than the KB, dunno if you plan out your perspective beforehand or wing it, but practicing some high perspective drawigns ( 3 point aerials , 2 point streets stuff like that) is always good, now back to the figure, again the shirt is a few sizes too large, but the part which bothers me the most is the right (viewer's left) arm, the shading on the shirt and it's shadow on the body and so on do not seem to match the length of the forearm and the upper arm, the upper arm (part connecting with the shoulder, I'm horrible at terminology) seems too short for something that points nearly straight down, and the forearm seems too long for a foreshortened cylinder.... I think the reason is that you planned the arm to lean on the table? or at least touch it at a certain point and by some miscalculation, it ended up too short.... either way it's a great drawing, you could easily fix that error by moving the palm up the forearm, and moving the shoulder up, the other arm seems pretty good, although the ratio on it has a bit of the same error... but it's much more correct than the other, and shoulnt be touched...


another thing to consider, I know it's your lightsource, but the window being the brightest element in the picture seems a bit offsetting pulls the viewer to the side of the image.... something to think about... anyways great job and your rendering skills are infact far and beyond 90% of the people who I've met in college so far, and even some of the prophessors

[Freddio]

Elam: Thanks, yep i'll fix up that lamp

The MP: Thanks, heh

Doc Bang: Yep i'll fix that bit of paper , thanks for your comments.


Lukiaz: Thanks.

SHarhar2k: Thanks very much for your insight.

[mannela]

Very nice, though has a few things to improve that have been already said.
anyway, well done!

[Freddio]

thanks

yea I will be posting the rest, soon.

[Matt Elder]

Been awhile since in these surroundings. A really fantastic piece and your work has come along way from the forest stream digital painting way back when. The strongest points are definately the texture in the wall and yourself (although they are coming across as the most complete parts of the image). The overall colour tone/choice in the image is really good and has that nice warm feel to it.

The areas that it needs 'work' are probably the more 'unfinished areas'. The lamp (base and top) and to a lessor degree the keyboard. That green monitor light, while may be 'correct' is just too contrasting and draws your eye to it. Maybe try a lighter green/yellow or even a red. Something else about the monitor but that may be because you've done such a good job on it in getting that plastic feel to it. Just contrasting the organics of yourself, the trees and the natural textures and colours of the walls and table.

Something a little weird is happening with the vertical architrave in the window. I don't think they are 100% parallel and this little fact is making the perspective in that area seem a little unbalanced.

Not really sure what that yellow rectangle on the table is about - is that just a discolouration in the paint on the table or something? The two smaller photographs work well but there is just something about a couple of the edges. They just seem a little too clean or something... probably not explaining it well... can't quite put the finger on it.

I guess the only other thing is when you think about it, where are the light sources coming from? I love the orange 'highlight' in the wall but just not sure where the main light source is.

Just a couple of minor points in a great image.

[Freddio]

thanks for your comments matt.