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The Fritz · Posted: Fri Apr 26, 2002 5:18 am

Hi again,

here is the second character I did for a PC Game. It belongs to the Bad ass Secretary I posted a few days before. The goal was to create the traditional, capitalistic boss of a company. Sorry again for the german text, it's still a german company I'm working for. So what do you think, is he a boss you could hate

?

Plz follow the link, thx.
http://www.angelfire.com/art2/different_view/pic6.html

[666]Flat · Posted: Fri Apr 26, 2002 6:26 am

Buenos diaz, compiche! Looks like the shoulders of your character are way too short. And concerning the text (usage of the German language follows):

Ich weiss, dass der Text nebensaechlich ist, was das Bild betrifft, aber in diesem Fall ist er so dermassen daneben, dass mir fast das Mittagessen hochkommt.

<Zitat>"Wenn man sein Schnaufen schon im Treppengang hoert, sollte man schleunigst den Gang raeumen, Hornig ist beruehmt fuer seine Hornigramme, die so manchen Angestellten auf dem Hosenboden zurueckliess."</Zitat>

'Wenn man sein Schnaufen schon im Treppengang hoert' - wenn ueberhaupt dann bitte 'Wenn man schon sein Schnaufen im Treppengang hoert', obwohl auch das selten daemlich klingt.

Und dann auch noch diese Ausgeburt der Eloquenz: '...sollte man schleunigst den Gang raeumen, Hornig ist beruehmt fuer seine Hornigramme'. Unmoeglich dilettantischer Satzbau, unpassende Zeichensetzung und als Sahnehaeubchen die nichtssagende Eigenkreation 'Hornigramm'. Und diese ominoesen Hornigramme sollen einen nun dazu veranlassen den Gang zu verlassen, wenn man im Treppengang ein Schnaufen hoert. Toller Mehrfachgebrauch des Wortes "Gang" uebrigens.
Ausserdem hast Du Probleme mit der Grammatik, denn Deine Hornigramme lassen die Angestellten auf dem Hosenboden zurueck. Plural, si?

Fazit: Dein Elaborat ist ausgemachte Hirnwichse und rhetorisch einfach unter aller Sau. Nichts fuer ungut, aber das Texte Schreiben und Charakterisieren solltest Du besser jemandem anderen ueberlassen. Sollte das naemlich so in das Spiel uebernommen werden, ist Euch die "Gurke des Monats" in allen fuehrenden Spielezeitschriften so gut wie sicher, abgesehen davon, dass die sich koestlich ueber diesen Mumpitz amuesieren und Euch ordentlich durch den Kakao ziehen werden.

[ April 26, 2002: Message edited by: [666]Flat ]

Godwin · Posted: Fri Apr 26, 2002 6:35 am

its meant to be like that i think(shoulders), comical effect

The Fritz · Posted: Fri Apr 26, 2002 3:06 pm

First up, sorry that this comment is going to be in german, but I think there is no other way.

@Flat666: Ich wei� nicht wer dir ans Bein gepinkelt hat, aber
a) der Text ist echt Nebensache,
b)'Wenn man sein Schnaufen schon im Treppengang hoert' - wenn ueberhaupt dann bitte 'Wenn man schon sein Schnaufen im Treppengang hoert' - Ich sehe hier keinen stilistischen Unterschied und
c) nach lockeren durchgearbeiteten 16 Stunden (natuerlich nicht nur wegen des Bildes), kann sowas mal vorkommen.

Desweiteren: Ich denke das in vielen Threads dieses Thema bereits angeschnitten wurde, aber egal wie sehr man den Gangster machen will und cool und hart, blah blah sein will, mit schlechten Manieren hinterlaesst man einen beschissenen Eindruck.

Und das mit den Schultern ist Absicht, siehe Godwin!

saladbowl · Posted: Fri Apr 26, 2002 4:17 pm

Hmmm, well I'm not really a fan of the picture... I think there's something about the outlines, that doesn't seem right and kind of inconsistent.
Well it all depends on what kind of Game it is...

Zum "Streit" : Ich denke, dass es wirklich nicht noetig war seinen Text so auseinanderzupfluecken, wenn es auch sicher nur gut gemeint war...
Nun ja, wir haben alle mal nen schlechten Tag.
Allerdings ist der Text irgendwie peinlich und gibt dem ganzen einen sehr stuemperhaften Touch.
Schaut dann irgendwie nach billig Game aus...
(Ich kann das Game natuerlich nicht bewerten, da ich es nicht kenne, aber es kommt halt so rueber...)
Mir persoenlich gefiel die kratzige Sekretaerin besser...

mfg

Dr. Bang · Posted: Fri Apr 26, 2002 4:31 pm

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Mb · junior member Member # Joined: 23 Nov 2001 Posts: 45

Dr. Bang:: What was that? I don't speak Canuck.

pixelsoldier · Posted: Fri Apr 26, 2002 7:25 pm

I do!

Hahah, Dr. Bang, you're so right! Fat666 does have a tiny little weiner.

kFJkfl ekjflkjds lkieij, fjdksfldfs! Jkdjfk jfk firu qrio quiff quiff double quiff.

The Fritz · Posted: Sat Apr 27, 2002 2:50 am

You're right Dr. Bang, I didn't intentd that this thread was going on in german language. Specially that some people have a need to comment on the text, wich is absolutly unnecessary. Next time I'll put the pure image in here so no one will be tempted to comment in german.

@Saladbowl: What do you mean with the outlines, can you be more precise?!

Loki · Posted: Sat Apr 27, 2002 9:59 am

Just ignore 666PoundsOfFAT. He's a little wanker that hardly leaves the apartment, probably because he doesn't fit through the door anymore. He's our troll, like every forum has one. Oh - he also can't draw his way out of a paperbag ... so ignore his critiques ...

saladbowl · Posted: Sat Apr 27, 2002 1:00 pm

quote:
Originally posted by The Fritz:
@Saladbowl: What do you mean with the outlines, can you be more precise?!

I meant his face.
You outlined a lot of things like his eyebrows, the eyes and you drew these lines on his forehead.
Well I think those things should just be defined by darker colors... .
I'll do a quick paintover to show what I mean... hold on..

here...good enough to show what I mean...

[ April 27, 2002: Message edited by: saladbowl ]

firefreak · Posted: Sat Apr 27, 2002 4:10 pm

dr. bang, i love you.
[666]flat, you care about grammar and spelling ? just have a look at your own images. nevermind. i must confess i'm pretty astonished how many german foreign words you know. you seem to be not as stupid as i thought.

[666]Flat · Posted: Sat Apr 27, 2002 4:23 pm

quote:
Originally posted by Loki:
Just ignore 666PoundsOfFAT. He's a little wanker that hardly leaves the apartment, probably because he doesn't fit through the door anymore. He's our troll, like every forum has one. Oh - he also can't draw his way out of a paperbag ... so ignore his critiques ...

Let's assume you're right and I really can't draw (in fact I can, I just don't have enough practice), that doesn't mean at all I can't criticize a piece of work properly and for a good reason. I can imagine you don't understand why. Well, get back to your little happy fairy ridden world of simple and domesticated views and forget about it, huh?

The Fritz · Posted: Sun Apr 28, 2002 2:14 am

@Saladbowl: Hey Saladbowl, good hint, I'll try this. When it's done I'll post it again, thx.

Concerning this Flat666 guy, I have no problem with critics, the only thing that I don't like is his unconstructive way. But thx for the feedback so far from everyone.
�

The Fritz · Posted: Sun Apr 28, 2002 3:56 am

Hi again,

I close this thread because I've redone the image and will post it under a new thread...

saladbowl · Posted: Sun Apr 28, 2002 7:23 am

Since the moderator closed the other tread...I;ll tell you here, that this is a lot better...

The Fritz · Posted: Sun Apr 28, 2002 8:04 am

Ahh, I didn't know that there are rules for updates and time, sorry to all moderators.
@Saladbowl: thx

Dr. Bang · Posted: Sun Apr 28, 2002 8:10 am

hey, Fritz!

Thats ok man, it didnt mind me that much