[vebjorn]

Ok. My first(and perhaps my last?) comic.
I made this for the sake of a comic sample. I will probably add color to it aswell. I made these nine pages, and I`m not sure if I will continue it. I`m definitly not a writer, so hte story is more a "waste product" in this sample.
And yes, it is kinda gross;-)

Heres some pages..loooong post, but go here to see all 9 pages, the last is perhaps the best: http://home.broadpark.no/~vstromm/lowres%20comic/comic1.htm
also added the last 3 pages to a post further down;-)



rest of the story: http://home.broadpark.no/~vstromm/lowres%20comic/comic8.htm






to see the remaining 3 pages, go here http://home.broadpark.no/~vstromm/lowres%20comic/comic7.htm

[ January 24, 2002: Message edited by: vebjorn ]

[ January 24, 2002: Message edited by: vebjorn ]

[ January 24, 2002: Message edited by: vebjorn ]

[Xyster21]

Nice artwork there
The story line kinda was on the 'blah WhA?T the...' side but the artwork was pretty smooth, in my eyes
Good Job.

[Pat]

Sweet visuals, as usual. As for the comic part, you write too much like Danzig's work on the Death Dealer comic. He had a nasty habit of using too much expository dialogue.

For example:

"The stranger removes his hood.", accompanied by a panel of the stranger clearly removing his hood. There's really no need to reiterate with words what we can already plainly see. You've already devoted an entire panel to his action; that's enough.

Same thing with the "Just as the cloaked figure was about to leave..." and the "He noticed some sinister figures having their way with a human female..."

It's considered good comic form to show as much of these actions visually rather than to rely on the narration to explain it to the viewer.

Here's how I would have broken down the action for page 4.



Panel 1: About the same as yours except it shows the final consequence of the hooded figure's action... the dead creature. We saw the creature's head get lopped off, but this panel erases any doubt as to the outcome and adds closure to that sequence.

Panel 2: I added this. It shows the hero turning to leave. No need for dialogue.

Panel 3: New as well. This shows the hero turning. Maybe you can add a sound effect like the woman screaming. Once again, show not tell.

Panel 4: Almost the same as yours, but larger. When presented with a new scene or event, the use of an larger "establishing shot" helps the viewer to understand what's going on. It helps "set the stage". Subsequent frames can be smaller or in tighter focus with less background information if you want.... but don't neglect that first one.

I have to admit, I'm very impressed with your control of sequential material. Not all cover painters have the stones to make the leap.

-Pat

[ceenda]

Artwork is 10/10, as usual veb! The fact that it's black and white makes for a vfery atmospheric approach. Other crits would include rather vague suggestions on improving composition in a number of frames (alot of void areas which seem too empty).

Like I say, really nice work, and great to have you posting here again.

As for the story... well... after page 3 it kinda becomes a rather poor "Clockwork Orange" fantasy remake...

[Dr. Bang]

very nice and original!! The ending was very emotional for me.

[vebjorn]

the next 3 pages

[MoleculeMan]

I loved the art work! wow you've inspired me again My only critique would be on either the writing (which you admitted was sketchy) or the way the writing was presented. Something about the lettering felt wrong, like for the quality of the art, the lettering didnt fit or was bad. Perhaps a 'cooler' font could be secured, or even drawn directly on the page. I dunno, better lettering would improve the comic as a whole as well as make the atmosphere darker.

jake

[rc robin]

comics really do need lettering that feels handwritten... If you are going to spend a lot of time and attention into making artwork that looks original and personal and where you can feel the hand of the artist, you might as well spend some time giving the lettering a personal touch
it is a bit of a waste to use plain and lifeless typo to accompany such vibrant and rich artwork

'cause vibrant and rich artwork it is...

[Highfive]

Looking at the first few panels reminded me of Ashley Wood's comics, but that for a really brief moment. The big difference is that you've rendered in some meaty flesh and metal texture as well. The scratchy linework and the grainy backgrounds work well with textures, too. I reckon your paint style here is just plain awesome! Cool helmet design, too.

Got to admit, this is the DARKEST and most sinister comic I've ever read. I haven't seen anything in Heavy Metal that shows violent rape like that and IMHO, it think that WAAAY crosses the line. If there's a publisher that you're doing this for who'll print that kind of content, I'm sure you'll have no trouble getting it printed but otherwise, I don't know how other employers would react seeing that in your folio. Maybe I'm not aware of what's out there these days, but that particular scene could be a little over-the-top.

[MoleculeMan]

^^^ prolly gotta print it in Europe! Any one heard of Druuna?? Thats balls down the worst in terms of sex (LOTS) and violence, but it also has pretty good art. I don't own any, just saw some stuff from the books on the net. I think its also in like italian or portugese or something. I don't remember.

jake

[Ian Jones]

Very Cool paintings. Lots of expression and atmosphere. The story needs a lot of work though, I'm just gonna back up what everyone else has said.

[ZippZopp]

very nice artwork! i love the black and white, really gives it a dark feel. Absolutely wonderful stuff!

[EviLToYLeT]

Rofl . Great stuff Veb... some scenes are hard to tell what's going on, but I really love that page with the main character and the girl, funny barbaric primitive man

I'd love to see more of this series!

[kanex]

Wow, this is some good stuff... begin deliciously dark... but something seems to clean to me with the text, can't you use some more hand-made font?

And the women seems too clean to me, not enough dirt on them, they seem "not to be there" because of that...

(sorry for my poor english, just a poor french)

[vebjorn]

Yep , the font suxx0rs, but all I have is the default comic font. I must either make one, or get a better one.
But right now, I`m kinda swamped with paying assigments, so hobbywork must wait. Also I`d like to more or less "ink" for other comics, no so into making my own one. 'I actually even considered repainting a few a normal marvel comic pages or something for this test..which might have been better, but somewhere I wanted to just make something really nasty...(evil grin)

btw. I`m pretty certain Joachim, Micke,Chester, along with the other people I know are not really that supprised over the content..lol

[shrek]

http://www.pcfonts.com/