[Awetopsy]

read this

Stupid Client Quotes hit next or random to read through them.

post you own if you have em.

Mine is from a collegue of mine when a businessman was touring our company:

collegue: ...and this is the tablet that we used to draw our pictures.

businessman: oh you mean you draw all these by hand? I thought you just type in 'funny character' and one appears on the screen.

I was at my desk which was kittycorner and almost died laughing.

[Socar MYLES]

A client who wanted to commission a grayscale painting:

"So, I can't afford a full colour piece right now, but if I buy it in grayscale now, can you convert it to colour later if I have the money?"

My reply:

"Convert it? Well, I could certainly repaint it in colour, yes, but you'd have to pay the full fee again."

The client's response:

"Well, in Photoshop you can just go to Mode, then RGB colour, and it converts it automatically!"

Duh...yeah, of course...why didn't I think of that? *Rolls eyes*

[Anthony]

"Can't we put that painting full screen behind the text?"

[Ahcri]

Mine's not exactly from a "client", and it' not really a quote, more like a stupid act by an employee.

Today I went to my art gallery to tape a part of my paintings on the wall. I noticed some paintings I taped on last week has fallen down and disappeared. I asked a volunteer: "Where did you put the fallen paintings?". He said: "Oh, I put them in a pile on that table." When I went to that table, I learned that all my paintings are stuck together by tapes, and no matter how careful I tried to tear off the tapes, it still tears some spots of the paintings off. Some of my paintings are repairable, but some of them are completely destroyed.

I gave the guy a hateful stare, and he said "What did I do?"

Note to self, don't paint on cardboard and don't use tape next time!

[ December 12, 2001: Message edited by: Ahcri ]

[Awetopsy]

achri: oooohh ouch, sorry to hear about that.

[[CA]Starscream]

Check this out!

We'd asked a client to give us some text on a floppy-disc, and that was exactly what she did; she wrote the text ON the label ON the disc.
(it wasn't a very long text)

Just thought I would post one of my favorites

[Jabberwocky]

I'm shocked I haven't seen the
"Well make the logo like Nike's"


Come on people it's a check mark with a lot of money behind it promoting it!

[Lunatique]

Mine:

When I was still doing comics, and I was doing my own series full-time(Enchanted), I asked my publisher/editor what general guidelines I should follow when I paint the covers for each issue.

He said, "Just make sure there's a cute chick in there somewhere."

[fuddo]

"make it look good"

... Kill me...

[the_monkey]

i wish i had a client.

[Grendel Khan]

A couple of mine:

We have this user that uses a report generated in pdf to check her client orders. Launches it every morning when she arrives and enters new orders for the rest of the day. She notices that the new orders misteriously appear in the report the next day. Her suggestion: "I think it would be better if the system saved the data when we enter it instead of saving it at night".

Another one: "We should use Access instead of Oracle, it's better because it has more colors"

Ahh, well, I could be all day writing stuff like these but I don't want to make you suffer with my crappy english.

[Entropy]

This is from a client meeting in 1998

Clent: hi can you help me? I need a site constructed for my dog food company, it's only 14 sections with 60 pages in total, can it be done, and ready for ecommerce by Friday? (it was Monday)

Me: errr no.

Client, well the guy down the street said he could do it for $500.00 and it would be done by Friday, why can't you

Me: Because I'm not a liar.

Client: huh?

Me: Ecommerce packages alone cost more than that.

Client: oh, ok. How much would it be if you did it

Me: in a week?

Client: Yes in a week are you deaf?

Me: $50,000

Client: !?!!! the guy down the street...

Me: ( thinking: the liar...)

Client: said he could do it in a week for 500 why the hell are you charging so much???

Me: Beacuse I'm a professional, I have spent 15 years of my life dedicated to learning my craft. This is all I do. I'm a specialist. That's why.

Client: Homestead does it for free.

Me: fine then go talk to them, then come see me when you are ready for a real site that does what you need.

Client: Jerk.

Me: Whatever

Client: (3 hours later he actually came back!) Ok i'm back, I talked to that guy, and surfed on to homestead and he said he could set it up for me with them for
$500.00

Me: ??? So you are willing to pay the guy down the street $500.00 for a site that is free, by a free third party web hosting company?

Client: he said he would set it up for me, do all the work I need

Me:hahahahahahahahahahaha ROTFLMAO

Client: What's so funny?

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Client: F*** you

Me: (tears now) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

Client: Jerk

Me: tee hee hee ok. Leave please.

Client: You don't want my money?

Me: No. I have an IQ limit for my clients, it must be higher than room temperature.

Client: You are an As* ****

Me: HAHAHAHA

He left. Through the grapevine I found out that the dude down the street took his money, plus another 1000.00 to set up ecommerce on a homestead site and never did the work.... hahahahahahahahahahahahah

I love freelancing

[roundeye]

i dont believe it! its too funny to be true.

[[Shizo]]

hehe!
$50,000 is too much tho
60 pages of dog food..