[Skeezer]

Here's some boards I did up based on a story I've been developing.

I've done a little storyboarding but only for a school project about a year ago.

Basically the good guys are escaping and their ships are defending the escape jump points. The badguys are trying to prevent their escape.




Comments, critique?

-Skeez

[Tommy]

Looks good, Skeezer. Tried to fix that link.



But it looks like Geocities suck!

[This message has been edited by Tommy (edited February 27, 2001).]

[el tigre]

looks good as usual, Skeez. What did you do the black with, it seems very, well....black. Is it markers or PS?

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Couldnae hit a coo in the arse wi a banjo if uh wis huddin it by the tail. :�
ICQ#106427315

[Solitaire]

it doesn't show

[PandaX52]

nice, the only things that really stick out to me is in the second cell...the ship in the bottom right looks like the perspective is off a tiny bit, the dark line near the bottom of the arrow-like thing on the nose makes the ship look like it's tilted upwards, like it's the bottom of the nose...it could be a vent thing too..hmmm

and in the first cell, are those white blobs lasers? sort of hard to tell which direction they're flying...

and lastly, is the focus of the last frame the woman's chest or something? (hehe)
or are there medals that you're looking at?

good luck on your portfolio, your drawings are always top notch.

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http://members.home.net/nmiller44/NMDP

[Skeezer]

Sorry guys, you'll have to drag and drop the address from the properties box, until I get a new server, which will be soon hopefully.

Please take a look if you have the time, I really could use some feedback. This is kind of new to me, and I need some storyboards in my portfolio. I guess I need a critique and possibly some suggestions. I have to put together a portfolio to show and I want something that would catch the eye of someone at ILM or something.

I'm going to shoot high, so I get the best possible results. Please help if you could offer me some advice.

-Skeez

[Skeezer]

Can anyone give me some tips, or suggestions?

I need to know what I'm screwing up so the next boards will be better.

-Skeez

[MisterOwl]

Skeezer-

The theme you've chosen is somewhat complex for a storyboard presentation. I realize that you are trying to appeal to ILM or someone of the like, but you might benefit by choosing a story sequence that doesn't require so much outside explaination, expecially if you are new to storyboarding. When you create sequential art in any form, you appeal to the viewer's sense of recognition through symbols and familiar objects. Its rather like speaking in a language using only pictures. This language is built into everyone inherently, but one must undertand the grammar of this language in order to play it back for someone in effort to tell a story. In science fiction, the objects within the story are not neccessarily one's that anyone has ever seen before. When you open the sequence with a panel like the first one you have posted, the viewer asking him/herself "Where is this? Where is it going? By what means is it moving? and What specific objects are envolved in the action?" You must provide quick, simple and easily recognizable symbols to answer each question so that the viewer has his/her bearings on the story. As it is, you do a good job of illustrating where the story is taking place, but the "how's" and the "why's" are a bit unclear. You have these white blobs that could mean stars or rocks or explosions, the viewer cannot be certain. In addition, the ships are not easily recognizable as space ships without some coaxing. Also, the swirly vortex things accompanied by the cloudy mass in the background is obscure. These objects also could represent several different things in space.

These basic symbols (the white splotches ect.) which you indicate resonate throughout the story sequence, and remain somewhat unrecognizable. It is uncertain which direction the ships are moving in, and which of the ships are in opposition of eachother. In the second panel, you introduce yet more of these white splotches, but now they are accompanied by what appears to be lazer beams. The viewer returns to the first panel, still confused by the meaning of the white splotches thinking that they are explosions that are somehow occuring without any source of oppostion. The ships also look as if the are traveling at emmense speed towards something because of the composition you have chosen, yet in the second panel, it is suddenly very still. The transition between the two is unclear.

The third panel suddenly has us inside of somewhere. There is no real transition indication between the second panel and the third, so the viewer is not sure were he/she is. You indicate two figures, one at some kind of table, and the other simply standing off to the side. The two figures represent either a state of hopelessness because of the battle taking place in panel 2, or a state of success because of their inevitable victory in the battle. The reader is unclear as to which side of the battle (if any) is being represented here. One assumes that they are the bad guys, because one of them is masked.

Panel 3 does a good job of establishing a conversation between the two charactes indicated in the panels following it. The state of the characters is still uncertain (whether they are evil or not) because the close up of the uniformed character in panel 4 has an expression that could evoke both concern and determination. The camera angles during the interior/conversation sequence (panels 3 through 6) are effective and dynamic.

Panel 7 establishes the viewer out in space again with more white splotches from the previous panels (still not quite recognizable). The viewer is compelled to wonder if the ship in panel 7 is the same represented in panel 1 which was/is going really fast, or if it is the exterior of the ship we were just inside (panel 3-6).

Panel 8 has an interesting composition with recognizable elements. The vessels are unmistakably space ships because of the design of the crafts, the indication of a cockpit and a human piloting it, and the surrounding space backrground. It easily makes a transition into panel 9 with the viewer understanding that he/she is now inside of the ship previously seen in the panel before, looking at the pilot and listening to whatever he is saying. The panels together evoke a suspensful mood has they appear to be traveling very fast and with some sense of urgency.

The pacing changes suddenly in panel 10 where we find ourselves inside a ship, presumably one other than the one indicated in panels 3-6. The reader tries to understand the relationship between the sequence of action taking place in panel 9 and panel 10. Again, the trasition is unclear. The viewer wants to know what ship they are inside, and were the ship is in relation to all of the other ships indicated previously.

In panel 11, we return to the interior of the cockpit that was indicated in panel 8 and 9. This view makes sense, but since it relates so much to panel 8 and 9, 10 becomes almost obsolete because the viewer doesn't understand its place in the flow of the sequence of events. The viewer becomes more interested in where the pilot is flying to in such a big hurry because of the new perspective in panel 11.

The final panel suggests that some wrong doing is going to take place, because of the camera angle. We see the character in the background presuming him to be some sort of lacky confirming the ill-gotten sceme of the woman whom we see only her sinister smile and her chest. The camera angle also confirms this mood, but it is in conflict with the information supported by the 10th panel. The 10th panel leads the viewer to believe that there is some mutually beneficial relationship between the female and the pilot; what they are trying to achieve (for good or ill) is unclear.

In and of themselves, each panel has interesting compositions, but the relationship between them are unclear in many places. I am not sure what exactly is taking place in the story you are telling. The draftsmanship is very good in all panels except for the recognizability of some elements i.e. the white splotches, and some of the ships. I would offer some visual critique of the story if I completely understood it. I think what I wrote was long enough though.

My suggestion is to tackle a story sequence that doesn't included so many changes in location in such a short amount of time. When parties of people are communicating between different locations, the flow of the story becomes somewhat "jumpy" and hard to follow visually without the words.

I don't mean for all of this to sound like you did a bad job; I'm just criticizing constructively.

I hope some of this helps. I'm sorry if its too long, but it seemed like you needed a thorough critque. Good luck, and thanks for sharing your work with the board.

[Skeezer]

MisterOwl: Thank you very much. That was exactly what I was looking for. I think I have a better understanding of what it is I'm trying to show. When these images come to my head there is some dramatic camera movement going on, I guess arrows for indicating direction and also more panels to describe an action would be appropriate.

Would it be appropriate to add more explanation or text to describe audio transitions, for instance the conversation between the pilot and the woman, or should that be more easily distinguished visually, or both?

Thank you again. I will try to take your suggestions and put them to good use.

-Skeez

[TheMilkMan]

Skeez....very very cool man that what I like to see..how someone works and thinks..story boards are a good way to see how an artist goes about working...anyways I like your style and use of the markers....some of the better looking story boards I have seen. I dont agree with everything that mr.owl said but he has a few good points...anyways please post more when you get them done.