[Basse_Ex]

(UPDATE: Changed stuff on pages 6 to 10)

Long time no see... (see?)...

Here's a 12 page prelude to a fantasy comic I'm working on with a writer friend of mine. This is just a little fragment about one of the bad-guys to be, in a much larger story(Fantasy always seems to be large, dunnit?)

Showed as 2 page spreads here, although they are read in normal comic-book fashion(One page at the time):


page 1 and 2


page 3 and 4


New page 5 and 6
Old page 5 and 6


New page 7 and 8
Old page 7 and 8


New page 9 and 10
Old page 9 and 10


page 11 and 12

There's some work remaining, namely finishing the text(almost done), hand lettering, making nice frames, possibly some greytones, re-inking some of the images(Mainly on page 9 and 10, I think), and some cleaning up.

We're going to try to sell it(The main story\concept, that is) to Norwegian publishers next weekend, and so we really need as much critique as possible, in order to get the best product possible.

Hopefully this will be my first paying comics job, and I'm somewhat nervous now... heh...

So...

Rip it apart, boys and girls.

(Pretty please with sugar on top?)

[ September 10, 2002: Message edited by: Basse_Ex ]

[Max]

Boah, WoW

Impressive work Basse.
I love that...
This first temple is truly amazing.
And the birds - that is sooo cool.

Very good job, very very good.

[HellSpawn]

Greetings Basse_Ex,

I'll try and give you some crits... I'll be jumping around so bare with me.

I agree with you about page 9. The page is very week considering the time and quility you spent on the other pages. It doesnt even look like it should be in the same comic book.

Page 1 & 2
Very nice establishing shot. I really like these pages.

Pgae 3 & 4
On page 3 panels 4,5, and 6 blend in and over lap to much in my opinion. I find a reader may have a hard time distinguishing those panels. Especially panels 5 and 6. a white border on the top right corner can fix that easy.

On page 4 I would refine panel 4 a little more.

Pages 5 & 6
Page 5 is pretty cool... Half of me want's to say, maybe look at some reffrence for folds in clothing but then the other half says nah.... I kind of like the style you have going.

Page 6. Panels 7 and 8.... Kind of losing panel 7 to panel 8 (the background) took me a little while to figure out thhat the background panel(8) is the bowl breaking. I would rework that panel to make it easier for the reader to understand.

Page 7 & 8

On page 7 the first panel I realy have no clue what that is. But I'm sure it would make sense with the text included.

For these pages I see your using Square panels and tilting them. For this scene I would suggest using irregular shaped boxes. Like shard shapes for example. From what I can gather from the story he's remembering or reflecting about a crazy part of his life (I'm guessing here) But if I'm close, what I would do is use the broken pieces of the bowl in the previous page as shapes/panels on this page.
The shatterd panels will give the reader a flash back / horrible memory / or going out of my mind / emotional type feel to the page.

Page 9 & 10
Page 7. Seeing your previous work this page looks like you were under pressure to finish it and looks rushed. You can do a hell of a lot better.

Page 11 & 12
The light source you have on the go is cool. Just becareful of the edge lighting you have on the old mans arm. Everything is is good except for the fist. The fist is hard to make out. I would have the light go around the fist and define the knuckles. The edge lighting on the fingers is not very realistic and may coufuse the reader. I know I may sound silly but dont be surprsed if the joe blow reader thinks this guy has claws like wolverine, hehehe... you could even just get rid of those three lines and just leave it at that. That would work just fine in my opinion.


Over all Basse I think you should be proud of what you have accomplished. The pages look solid. For your next book I would suggest nailing down your light source more and study differnt techniques in inking/hatching.

Hope that's the type of crit you were looking for...

Cheers,

- Shawn

[Basse_Ex]

Thanks alot!

Hellspawn: Thank you so very much! Exactly the type of crits I wanted!

Some answers here:

Page 3... yes of course...
Page 4... yes, but hopefully the picture will work better with some text on it.
Page 6... The sound effects will hopefully clear most misunderstandings, but I think I'll re-ink the falling bowl sequence to give it some more impact.
page 7... It's a close-up of the bowl fragments on the last panel of page six. Not that important really, as long as it works in the composition. I think.

... and...

... No, he's not having a flashback. Personally I think the servant spiked his drink with some weird halucinogenic mushrooms(After which the servant slipped on a banana peel, fell down the stairs, and sadly broke his neck), but the writer keeps insisting that the old man is seduces by some evil force(who's scary text bubbles is gonna be all over the page).
The frames will remain reasonably square, but some shattering of them could be a good idea.

page 9 and 10... thanks... and yes I'll fix them.

page 11 and 12... Claws? Gee.... who would have thought?..... hehe.... hehe..haha...HaHa....BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... giggle.

But apart from that I think perhaps the fist could get re-inked. Perhaps.

And yes, some type of feathering\ crosshatching could be nice, especially since I use speed lines. I'll work on incorporating some further techniques.

Thanks a lot, Shawn. Really.

Expect an update in a couple of days.

[Basse_Ex]

Ahem...

...

...

BUMP!

...

...

Updated the first post.

[HellSpawn]

Hey Basse,

Great job on re-working page nine! And page page 6 is much clearer now. Great work all around. I look forward to checking out more of your work.

Cheers,

- Shawn

P.S. Going to keep the woverine claws eh?
hehehe... jk.

[Cos]

Great work Basse! Enjoyed that. Not that keen on the very last page but the rest are top notch, 1 nd 2 being my fav

When do we get to see it with the type etc?

[Basse_Ex]

Hellspawn: Thanks, and yes the wolverine claws are in, although I might do some minor work on them to make it clearer that they're suppoesed to be that way(If I have the time).

Cos: I'm starting to suspect that I'm not to keen on the last two pages either. I think I'll try out adding some white shapes of some sort to get it more dynamic.
The Norwegian version of the comic, lettering and all, will be finished tomorrow, although I won't be able to post it until after the weekend.
An English version(probably not handlettered) will be done later next week.
Thanks.

[tj333]

This is some nice work.
Basse_EX I am wondering if I could use the picture 11-12.gif, possible one of the others as well, to make a wood cut for my art class?

It won't be used for commercial work or use, just a school project if that is a concern.

[Basse_Ex]

Woodcuts?

Cool!

Hope the reply didn't come too late. I'm internetless these days.

Uhhh.... I was supposed to update this sometime long ago, but I've been overworked and caught the flu.

Sorry.

Will update with the finished version, in english, sometime this week.

[tj333]

I take that "Cool!" means yes here.
So When i get them done, which probaly won't be for a while unfortunatly, I will post a scan of the finished print from the woodcut.
It probaly won't look much different then the picture but have to see where this goes.