[Luci]

Hiya everyone!

I haven't been around for a while, you might have seen.. But one of my dreams has now come true..

I'm engaged

Unfortunatly, There are some downsides to having an internet relationship-

He had to fly back to America 2 days ago..

Anyway- I just had to spill.. I'm sure some people were wondering where I was

-Luci

(Edit - Just for those who are interested -


Photo Album Online

[ July 25, 2001: Message edited by: Luci ]

[roundeye]

get off teh geoshitties! well i saw it. took a while. congrats. internet relashionship you say, good luck!

[Impaler]

Wait. Aren't you like, 14 or 16?

[Luci]

*chuckles*

Yes, I'm 16. My fiance asked for Parental Consent as well.

[burn0ut]

strange..

[Impaler]

<concern>

1) You're not using this marriage as an excuse for solace from your otherwise depression-riddled teenage years, are you? Sometimes victims of extreme circumstances or emotionally dehabilitatin occasions tend to create situations, and really worlds, for themselves to escape into to avoid the problems that face them in the real world. This could easily involve finding a seemingly sweet internet guy, falling in love (delusional or not) and marrying him, thereby creating a window of departure from your current life and into a new one. This could also involve marrying a guy as sort of an excuse not to focus on whatever problems you have, as you have to concentrate on the relationship rather than yourself.

2) How many times have you actually met this guy? I think Enayla posted a thread on this board or fgfx' about how internet friends are usually disappointing in real life. This is especially true with internet love. From every single experience with internet love I've ever had, the person was a complete let-down after the second time meeting them or so, or after the second week of actually spending time with them. Usually we numb ourselves through a reaction not only to the surprise of meeting someone, but also so we can shield ourselves from the overwhelming pain of finding out someone isn't who they seem to be.

3) I'm not sure how customs go in New Zealand, but from what I've gathered from any teenage girl is that they're not quite ready to get married or have an incredibly long-lasting relationship. This is especially true with a somewhat emotionally unstable one (you), who tends to be fickle simply on the grounds that they think that they're not good enough.

4) How old is this guy? In some states, it's illegal for an adult to marry a minor, even with parental consent. Something like, statutory relationships or something.

5) Instead of marrying him right off the bat (an incredibly serious ordeal), why don't you live with him for a while? Feel him out, wear him out, see how the relationship would hold out.

6) The honeymoon scares me. It's still statutory rape even if it's a consenting relationship under American statutes.

I'm not trying to rain on your parade or anything like that. It just worries me that you're going to end up in a devastating divorce because you rushed.

And hey. I don't know you, so I may just be shaking my WANG in the dark.

</concern>

[J Bradford]

So she's 16, big deal? Only puritan-based america would have a problem with that.

[Impaler]

The countries that don't hate America adopted its value system.

And fine. She's 16. My grandma got married when she was 15. She's been married since then. She's not necessarily happy in her marriage, but she's married. In fact, go interview a lot of senior citizens. I'll bet that at least half of them that got married when they were young didn't do it out of 'love' and whatever dynamics are required today.

Back then, marriage was a part of survival more than it was a part of love and whatnot. A woman HAD to marry a guy or else she would be poverty-stricken.

Hell, it's all part of a value system, I guess.

And last time I checked, she was marrying an American. Plus, New Zealand is basically Seattle, with kiwis.

Edit: And besides, the Puritans were the ones marrying 12 and 13 year-olds, or keeping them as mistresses. Just a technical piece of information.

[ July 24, 2001: Message edited by: Impaler ]

[J Bradford]

[ July 24, 2001: Message edited by: Bradford ]

[A.Buttle]

Crazy shit. I'm 19 now, and I NEVER want to get married. . .

[dr . bang]

Married at 16?!!! Have you guys considering the dating method first?

[Luci]

Ohhkay. Didn't hit off as well as I suspected, and I'm too sick to actually get verbatium traveling through my head correctly at this moment.

Um.. so well .. Ah, forget it, I just thought that I could at least get some congratulations. Seems to be something that's now definitly hard around here. Thank you for people who have concerns, but I really know what I want to do, I have thought this out, and what would be best for me.

I give up, I'm going back to bed.

Thanks for all the supposed 'encouragement' and 'congratulations' out there.

Signed
A rather upset and angry Luci.

[faustgfx]

death.

[Socar MYLES]

Well, I'll congratulate you, but I have to warn you as well. I also got married very young (not as young as you, granted; I was almost 20)--and it was an utter disaster. I had known the man in question for six years, but I had never been in a relationship with him, never slept with him, and never lived with him. Really, he was just a friend. (Or I thought he was a friend, anyway. He did seem very nice before I had to see him all the time.) I had read and heard from my mother that one should always marry one's best friend, so when he proposed, I agreed.

What I didn't consider was--Why on earth would someone who doesn't really know all that much about me, doesn't know what I'm like to live with, and hasn't even been in a long relationship with me want to MARRY me? Maybe it was a culture clash--he was East Indian, and I'm British. But the minute we were married, he started treating me as a possession. He made me take several jobs while studying at university, and dragged me off to India with him for two weeks, during which I was expected to cook, fetch and carry like some sort of pack animal. (I'm not suggesting that all East Indian men are like this--not at all! Far from it! What I am suggesting is that I really had no idea who this guy was when I foolishly rushed into marriage.)

The marriage ended abruptly when he threw a table at me, knocking out three teeth. The dentist's bill to replace those came to $15,000. Needless to say, after that he never saw me again. Right after I left him, he died of a crack cocaine overdose--another lovely habit of his that I would have known about if I'd lived with him for some time before marrying him.

I really think you should spend a lot more time with your fellow before you marry him. It's got nothing to do with age, and everything to do with the fact that people only show their best sides at the beginning of a relationship. It's once they get settled in that you start to see what they're really like.

So, congratulations...but please, please have a long engagement. Go ahead and marry, and have a wonderful life together. But first, make bloody damn SURE you know the guy inside and out.

[faustgfx]

hey bradford, how come you removed your post?

[roundeye]

no kiddin. 'fraidy cat.

[faustgfx]

never seen bradfordywordypoowhee back off before.. hmm. i suspect there's more to it than we see in this thread.

[Bishop_Six]

congrats, luci... but what about ed(lee)? all those late nights at paintchat... and now you just toss him aside?

[burn0ut]

he said something along the lines of ... what kind of values do we have in america anyways...

nener nener

[InsaneSpaghetti]

Sorry to say that, but I do agree with Impaler. Your case seems too typical.
And I know you're gonna be even more mad because of people being so negative, but that's how such stories turn out to be. Sorry again, and I know you won't listen just because you're angry and you think you are right. So only life will show what happens next.
And hey - Congratulations!

[ebrian]

Socar Myles is right I think, be a good friend is one thing, be a life-long partner is another thing.
Marriage is important to a person, especially to women.
SO if you are really taking it seriously, think about it carefully, of course, wish you happy life.

[Radiater]

Hey Luci,

Yeah, I think congratulations are in order. CONGRATULATIONS!!

But, like everyone else here, I worry about the short term nature of your non-internet relationship.

As for being 16 and getting married. Hmmm, I know 50 year olds that can't make a second or third marriage work.

My wife and I have just celebrated our 7th anniversary. What I can tell you, based on my experience, is this: You will only know you made the right choice if, after 50 years of marriage, you're still happy.

Best of Luck,

Radiater.

[Perplexer]

congrats luci!

many here made some very valid points, though... but hell, do what feels right. even if it should turn out that it is absolutely not what you expected it to be- you'll get over it. i have gotten over it and millions of other people have, too.

Nevertheless, the most true of all comments here must be the "teenagers don't know shit"-part. if i think back today i am getting the creeps at how dumb i was and how naive i acted. im not saying i am a lot better off today, but hey, even i don't make the same mistakes... like... 4 or 5 times...

[ July 25, 2001: Message edited by: Perplexer ]

[faustgfx]

quote:

---

Luci,
Regardless of what the future might bring, I wish you happiness in your current decision. I hope things work out, and everyone here who expressed concern for you will see that sometimes, fairytales do come true.

---

yeah, as do nightmares as well.

lunatique, uhm, hello, but world isn't 110% positivity all the time, you know. you sound like you come from a walt disney cartoon.

[Luci]

So while I sit in my bed, being sick, with a damn awful flu, I read every reply that came into this thread.

So I should really kinda talk about it to get some understanding into how complex the situation is really..

Here goes.

We have been 'dating' online for a while now. My fiance came over here to meet me, and we really knew if it was going to 'click' or not right from the point that I saw him.

Now, let me make note now. My mother has some strict rules for getting MARRIED - Not engaged as such. I am not allowed to get married till I'm 20/21. By that time, I'll probably be over there living with him. I guess some people didn't understand that bit..

Anyway- We had been going with things pretty well. My Mum and Dad had also agreed to go to trips by ourselves because my Mum knows she can trust me very well. I'm not an immature teenager. I have guidelines that I follow too.. I'm not stupid, I'm not a misinterpreter. When I get myself into a situation that I find is bad for me, Then I usually step back a few steps to try and understand what I did wrong in my thinking.

Although my Mum was concerned for the 'Sex before Marriage' topic, I told her that it is not one of the things that I want to do. My fiance said the same thing. Like there is with engagement/marriage, there is also a complexity in having a baby. We obviously don't want one before marriage.

I'll also touch on the topic of my fiance. He is a well raised Cajun boy. He is 18. And no, He isn't a slob. Actually, he says that to calm himself down he has to clean. anything.. Dishes to boots. Anything he can find to clean, he will.. Ahh, anyway..

I think I'll leave on this-

The people who know me well in real life know that this is in some ways a good choice for me. They can see I'm not stupid....

I know that all of you guys out there worry and have concerns for such a thing as these, I just want to make clear that I understand how you guys and gals feel about this whole situation.. I understand how you want to make sure if I'm leading in the right direction or not..

I might also say right now that, I was that girl who thought of giving up on school. Well, I did quit school last term. And I have been accepted into College. I'm going to be doing a Multimedia course for a year, and it starts in October.

I have also been given the chance to go to the Art Institute in America for a Digital Arts degree for 2 or 4 years after my Multimedia course..


--This person might know what she is doing now..--

-Luci


(P.s. Thank you to everyone for replying too..being concerned or not

[Jezebel]

Oh my... just went through your little photo album. Gorgeous! And you guys look like a very cute couple

Is all that in NZ? That's my next vacation spot if so... I was just blown away. Wish I could see those things here ^_^

[Socar MYLES]

I'm glad to hear that you are, indeed, planning on a long engagement. That will give you time to get to know each other better, and build a good relationship.

Now you have my wholehearted congratulations, now that you have said you are not planning to marry right now this minute.

Good luck at college.

[mk]

-cut-
Your gonna hate hearing this...but teenagers generally don't know shit!.....and they only realise this when their older.
-cut-

well, yes but......
everyones learns by errors/successes(eessesesseesess) he makes.
Somehow they have to grow up...
(okay, one thing i cant understand is some ppls say i only have sex after marriage, but hey i dont care about that really...aslong its not my problem )

Luci:

Congrats! U will survive that somehow (hey, at least you where the strongest Sperm!)

[faustgfx]

marriage sure as fuck won't work if you have to try to make it work in the first place.

[Lunatique]

Luci,

Regardless of what the future might bring, I wish you happiness in your current decision. I hope things work out, and everyone here who expressed concern for you will see that sometimes, fairytales do come true.