[genesequence]

Hi. Sorry I haven't been posting, but I must slave long hours for a month or so at new job. trying to make a good impression and all, so that people can have elevated impression of me at work. You should mostly know the story.

Anyhoo. I did this piece (for work ) and I need a critique before I send it off.



Be savage, but be quick. I have to submit the final art on Thursday (the 8th). If there was some sort of unofficial, unposted rule about posting work that is supposed to be "professional" or "corporate", then I apologize in advance, and you can all flame me instead.

-genes.

[Spiritwolf]

Strange...I am only getting half a picture. Anyone else having this problem?

-Spiritwolf

[genesequence]

Stoopid "Disk Quota Exceeded" error message from my stoopid server. Really, 5M is just not enough spage for storage. Oh well... image should appear in full now.

Thanks.

-genesequence

[genesequence]

Sorry to push myself to the top of the list, but I haven't really been getting any feedback and I am starting to get really edgy and worried. I've modified my drawing a bit, by placing the pencil sketch on the top layer (to help desaturate the colours and diffuse the details), and make it more like a Drew movie poster.

Please let me know if this is looking better. I know that this picture suffers from the "Oreo in milk" problem (no background, just dark blobs in a plain white background), but I promise, I shall compose a better layout for the next piece I post.

THX.



- gs

[ozenzo]

I like the first one better.....the kid at the bottom looks like one of those creatures from Dark Crystal....I think it's the nose...needs a little more definition....definately the first one !!

[eclipse]

I think I like the second one better. It has more of an illustrative quality to it, like you have your own style thrown in. The overlying sketch adds character and a slight bit of motion with the looser strokes, it's not as 'thick' as the first.

I agree about the boy though, his nose does look rather wide and flat.

[samdragon]

is it too late to critique?
If not, I'm goona lay into this one.
Aside from the text telling us this is human rights, the illustration is not working.
Everything is centered on the page, not a good thing. These are called targets, basic design rule. ( I feel I've said that a million times, probably not as much as it's been told to me though).
what are human rights? Are you telling us about human rights? Are you asking us to support human rights. What's going on here? You're message is not clear.
Your typography in the first image has too much kearning and the color of the font should be changed to something that matches the illustration or something not as bright.
Dont rely on filters to solve your problem,they can be handy in a pinch, but they scream "filter"!
The cropped version is working better, but the message is not coming through. Essential design is to convey the message clearly (in most cases), certianly in this case.
That white background is over powering your tonal illustration. Try putting in a darker color.

If it's too late to start over..I suggest adding more depth to your illustration.
Try having the kid cast a slight shadow on the faces in the background. This will add some more dynamic qualities to your image.
The idea you are using has been done before, so the hard part is trying to do it in a way that's new. Thus is the life of graphic design and etc.

Another "trick" is to add text, in this case about human rights, to your image. have this text become part of the illustration and over all design. You have plenty of space to play with, but don't make it so busy we can't understad it.
good luck, sorry for the late crit.

[genesequence]

Ozenzo & Eclipse: Gelflings I think they were called. I narrowed up the kid and brought his eyes closer together and he looks less muppetish now. I was never sure how old I wanted him to look (baby/2yrs/4yrs?) so he was very undefined. Thanks

Samdragon: You are absolutely right. I started this as a doodle during a phone call and immediately decided to work up the doodle without thinking of composition or placement. While this is in itself embarassing, the only a very small group of people will be seeing this, all associated with a very specific aspect of human rights. A group involved in reporting "human rights abuses" which where I live consists mostly of discrimination claims (based principally on race, sex and age) accounts for the "solidarity" of the stereotypic "floating heads". That may help to put into perspective the subject selection criteria. Also, the final image will be printed on a crappy desktop colour laser, so tonal range and soft background were pretty low priorities in constructing my image, as was a coloured background, since they would go right out the window when printed.

Thank you all very much for the critique. I feel that this weak drawing is at least competent now that it has passed this little gauntlet. As promised, I have already begun my next masterwork for this board and I look forward to showing what I've learned.

-genesequence.

[This message has been edited by genesequence (edited June 08, 2000).]