[Loki]

Argh!

Just the thread of my liking, hahaha!

Been dealing with the dating thing recently again too. I've been less than marginally successful.

My problem: I had a crush on that grl! for years now. I really do like her very very much. She's smart, sooper cute and knows what she wants. And she knows that I really like her.
And that's the problem.

I can't stay 'cool' when she's around. Not purposely 'cool' with a rifle in my hands, smoking filterless cigarettes while fending off hordes of undead, no, just excited to see her and my gears are spinning at 24.000rpms ...

Bad. I know. But can't help it. So instead of pursuing her, I put her in my drawer of unresolved cases. Maybe later. She also recently broke off a 2 year relationship (6 months ago) and probably needs a severe break - next to being very busy at work.

And - worst of all, she probably just considers me a friend. Death.

Needless to say that I nevertheless think of her every other minute. Argh. Pain. Need to get her out of my head. Trying ... argh!

That's all I have to contribute for now ...

[Dekard]

Men get shit in this world. Here I'll prove my point. Women run the world, Men just pretend to...


2 instances in a bar.

Decent looking man stands on chair and yells, I'm heading home if any women want to go home with me and have sex, meet me outside in 5 minutes.

He gets laughed at, and his buddies beat him to a pulp for it.

Same situation, although this time it's an not so attractive girl. She goes into the middle of the club and says she is lonely and if anyone wants to come home with her, to meet her outside in 5. There's a line outside of the building and wrapped around twice.

Women rule the world and can get anything anytime they want to..

Men just act like they are god's gift. Told this to my 'woman' boss a few months back she started crying she thought it was so funny. But it's true. Women have all the control, it's not even funny.

[ April 15, 2002: Message edited by: Dekard ]

[Basement bound]

Hey Loki, been there!!

It hurts like ripping your own arm off and beating your own chest with it to get your heart started again...........and yet we have stayed for more.

Damn
JA

[MoleculeMan]

^^ ug i feel you loki. Don't worry man, i've been in the situation, and even though it wasn't successful, i found it didn't really hurt the friendship much. even if she says you're her friend, her feelings might change down the line too, especially when you tell her new informations. Just take the chance! Its worth it!!

Also, Flat was right about 1 thing, i dont think many women are going to be attracted to you with those pictures. Try changing the poses and smiling wider.

jake

[Giant Hamster]

My "Rapist/Goat Molester" Shot.

*EDIT: This is a year or so old...I look different now. (My face changes every 6 months...) o_O

[ April 15, 2002: Message edited by: Giant Hamster ]

[zaar]

I like this subject, and some of you made real good points.

I�m sorry if I'm going slightly off topic here:
I took to personality test Solar C linked to in his post. In my experience most tests on the internet are very vague and general (like the zodiac things in magazines). But the in the text the described my type (INTJ according to the test) I found a part that made my jaw dropped: "�/ INTJs are not at all eager to take command of projects or groups, preferring to stay in the background until others demonstrate their inability to lead." that�s so much like me! Everyone here should give the test a try and we could compare the results.

This is also like me (back on topic now):
"Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel." I guess that's why I got interested in this post in the first place; I know how you feel Liser Studios...

But the text also said this about INTJs: �To outsiders, INTJs may appear to project an aura of "definiteness", of self-confidence. This self-confidence, sometimes mistaken for simple arrogance by the less decisive, is actually of a very specific rather than a general nature; its source lies in the specialized knowledge systems that most INTJs start building at an early age.� That is so strange! (and the �specialized knowledge systems �?! Hmmm. Got �em here somewhere�haha) People tell me all the time that they think of me as calm, mature and confident, when I feel the exact opposite =(. I think my problem is just what Lunatique wrote: �You can't just be romantic, because that's boring�

Isn�t this the actual problem we are talking about in this thread; being a nice person but not exciting enough therefore ending up as a friend, Loki wrote: �worst of all, she probably just considers me a friend. Death.� I know the feeling� death

"Stop looking for them and you'll find them." sounds like a nice an effortless way of getting chicks... but also too good to be true =) I�m currently trying out that strategy combined with lunatiques: �Learn how to excite, seduce, surprise, and be imaginative, confident, and naughty� seems like once I get that going the only problem left is: I�m still hiding in front of my computer or inside a book, and no girls will find me there, so I have to get out more, and that�s my tip to everyone here with similar problems: even if you are not actively chasing girls, make yourself visible! (without screaming for attention)


PS. Ignore me if I don�t make any sense, or of went too much of topic with the test thing but I really got hung up on it�

[Giant Hamster]

“Learn how to excite, seduce, surprise, and be imaginative, confident, and naughty"

Well, are you exciting, seductive, suprising, imaginative, confident, and sometimes naughty? Apparently not if you're trying to learn it.

Do you know what learning that is called? FAKE. You either got it or you don't...and you'll know when you got it. If you think you might have it...but you aren't sure...you don't.

[Lunatique]

Giant Hamster- actually, learning it is more like discovering what it is about yourself that excites the opposite sex. It's not being fake, and it's something you can "learn."

For example: A friend of mine used to be really shy around girls, but when he hangs out with the guys, he would say some pretty funny, yet raunchy stuff. Of course, he'd never dare to say things like that in front of girls.

Well, one day, he had a little bit to drink at a party, and he lowered his guard and started talking the way he usually does with the guys, and that was the night he learned that when he's being himself in front of girls, he's a lot sexier than he used to be when he was all uptight and careful. His sense of humor was raunchy, but he's a nice guy, and the girls thought he was a riot and were attracted to him. From that night on, he started talking more freely in front of girls and joked around a lot more.

So, what did he really learn? He learned to be confident, and gave flirting a chance. Was he being fake? Not at all.

[zaar]

naaa, I meant; bringing those sides out more, although it said learning in my post since I quoted Lunatique. I�ve always felt that I have those things, but being slightly shy/introverted I�ve held them back in fear of doing something wrong. (language is failing me here, can�t really find the words).

This brings up another question: Is one always the same, with no possibility to change?

[zaar]

Lunatique: I missed you post, you must have sent it while I was typing mine. And that sounds so much better then Giants Hamsters negative view of things =)

[Giant Hamster]

Nah, My views aren't negative. they're just less bubbly.

Lunatique: That's a better way of putting what he said. thanks =) Cause what your saying is development...

...what I originally heard was, "i'm gonna read a book and learn how to get chicks to like me even though It's not really me but I'm pretty sure I can pretend"

[Liser Studios]

hmm, Lunatique is a good man.
thanks for the replies everyone
oh and Flat, could you not put me on your webpage? I don't exactly want to be one of your jokes :-\
especially since i didn't pick my own poses, my grandfather adjusted the poses (he was the photographer)... but i guess i look stupid there anyways.
so, Lunatique, how exactly do you be exciting ot a girl? I know I can excite girls in one way (ehehehehhe, triple O's, know what I'm saying?) but you have to get them before you can excite them *that* way. Besides, I'm not exactly a 'player.'
Maybe I should start bungee jumping and skinny dipping with sharks? Is that exciting? lol
But yeah, I guess I'm not too exciting: go to school, go lift weights, come home, draw or go on the computer, go to sleep. repeat.
So in order to be a more exciting arteest, I'm going to start drawing in public, in the nude! j/k
but really, what exactly do you mean by more exciting? If you mean partying and stuff, I'm not much of a partier/drinker/all that stuff :-\
oh, and about the creativity thing... oh yes, you are going to see something funny coming up soon. Oh yes, I got an idea, this will be good... i hope.

[Liser Studios]

oh, and it's good to see that loki has similiar problems... good to know some artists i really look up to have similiar problems.
i wonder if craig gets the ladies, or got them when he was a younger fellow (i'm guessing he's married now).

And I think I came to the conclusion that I'm overly-nice... but I don't know what to do. :-\
maybe next time i spend 8 hours drawing a portrait for a girl for no reason, I'll draw some devil horns on her or have her on an "adult film" set. lol, nevermind.

[Loki]

Haha. Mr. Liser - why should I have NO problems???? Only because I might be a tad above average in some area (and right now I'm not even sure of that) doesn't mean that I have it easier in ANY other area. Of course not. Also - work is work, love is love and a person's just a person. Bang!

Craig is married btw ...

But I don't think of it as a problem. It's just something somebody has to adjust too. And I'm not the hardcore batchelor - I just got out of a two year relationship - and, believe it or not - I had to get used to and still am getting used to be single again. Fucking hard too. At least in my case.

Also - I don't even really feel like getting into a relationship and actually escaped some nets that were thrown at me - BUT, what makes this situation hard is that I really really like this girl - and have known her for three years ... And with that, I'm bringing myself into a bad situation as mentioned before. But ... case is filed ... back to life, back to reality ...

[Bomu]

I like to pretend I'm a psycologist and love working out how people's minds work! I'm getting good at it too!
Basically everyone in the world is very different and there's a million girls that you could be compatable with Liser.. also a few more million that you wont!

I totally agree with you- sexy babes will flock to football players and movie stars- leaving the rest of us with ulgy, geeky, weird internet lovin' girls!!
In general good looking girls all want; daring, fun, confident, good looking, tall, dark, fit, muscular guys with tanned skin and no imperfections. Personality? Well if you're like that, you've probably adapted a personality to match the rest of you, which generates even more interest.

I'm always sweet, generous, kind, sensitive and gentlemanly- always putting the girl's needs way before my own, but that's got me nowhere so far! A change of tactics might be in order? It's not biggie really though.
I'm sure if you keep at it, your time will eventually come It's better the be content without a g/f than unhappy with one.

Personally, I'd like a like a pretty, good looking, sweet and confident girl with a the same sence of humor (very important). She needs to agree with me on certain issues but doesn't even need to share my personal interests. Unless such a girl exists and is willing to give me a chance, I'll definetly give her a chance, but if not I'm not losing anything by staying single

The end ^_^

[Awetopsy]

actually my my girl is still pretty darn Hot. knows nothing about computers and doesnt know hardly anything about the internet. She's got the body of a godess and the personality of a school girl. I think she's probly one of the last of her kind.

I know lots of girls who are after the nice guy and wouldnt date a football player if they were the last people on earth.

your own perception of Women dictates what kind of woman you'll get with. If you fantasize about the nice girl with a seductive streak, just be patient, you'll find one. there are plenty of them out there.

[Nilwort]

RE: Zaar

yeah, i've taken that test a few times before and got the same result each time, INFP

I don't think being shy or introverted is a bad thing, if anything, it'll help you become more comfortable with who you are by by being inner-focused a lot of the time...but not too much, it's just a matter of balance.

I think this whole dilemma of dating and courting and relationships ect ect ect can all be made a LOT easier if people would just take the time to reflect and find out who they really are, and then become comfortable with it...it really isn't a problem relating with people when you can relate to yourself on a deeper level easily. But that's just my own personal philosophy, other people have different ways and that probably works fine for them.

[ April 15, 2002: Message edited by: Nilwort ]

[Liser Studios]

Loki> I know, I'm not saying that you shouldn't have any problems... I'm just saying, It's nice having someone that you look up to in a similiar situation.
You got out of a long relationship, adjusting to being single; the same thing happened to me. Only difference is is that you have your eye on someone else (or might just want to be single), and I (think I) still have my eye on the same girl, and don't want to be single.
btw, don't doubt your abilities. You're a great artist.

Bomu> yeah, i agree. Thing is, I'm a football player and a weight lifter, but I don't have the girls! Then again, I'm not 'popular' that high school "jock" "preppy" clique stuff is so stupid, I hope it all goes away, ya know?
Then again, I was just a football player because the rest of my family is, I have no talent, played 10 plays my whole varsity 'career.' Although I am good at lifting, but no one can tell, I'm not muscular.

Awetopsy> you're lucky

[mythwarden]

Girls like confident guys, bro.

You can't moon over the ones you want. You need to do your own thing and travel your own path. If you like a girl, don't haunt her, but tell her how you feel. But do so carefully while taking in mind her personality.

For you to like her means that there is something very special about her...
Her smile?
Her laugh?
Her distant look when she's day-dreaming?

If she means that much to you then ask if she minds if you draw her doing whatever it is that you love about her so much.

Artists do just fine with women since we're the closest in spirit with them.

Lunatique is right about what he said of women mistaking confidence with arrogance.

So make sure your both modest and confident and move on with the things that make you happy in life. Don�t let your mind focus too long on any one given thing other then your path.

Only then can God gift you with a sweet companion. ;-)

-myth

[Loki]

myth: fine words

liser: let me elaborate! [wheeeee!]

Anyway - no I do not care if I'm alone or not. I've been away from home ever since I was 18 and before being with my ex for 2 years, have pretty much always lived alone - especially when moving to a new country by yourself, you'll be pretty much be very alone (depending on the circumstances).

I would never go after a relationship just because I don't wanna be alone. To 98% you'll be in the wrong deal if this was the only reason for you pursuing it.

And after my relationship was over, I didn't even feel like hanging out with my friends. A new relationship was the last thing in my mind and still is.
And I don't even know if a relationship is what I want from that girl. The problem is:

I CAN'T F*CKING HELP IT! AAAARGH! Heeeelp! Pleeeeaaaase! Somebody shoooooooot me! Gasp!
[yes - that's what's going on inside of me]

And knowing that it's probably not the right time for her because of reasons explained above makes my little crisis even beeeegger.

Doesn't mean that I'm really going out of my mind, but she is always in my thoughts - which sucks.

It's like you already killed your motorbike BEFORE the first ride, because you enthusiastically filled it by accident with Diesel instead of that fine 102 Octane racing fuel, and then you still have to pay the loan.

Or something less corny than that. But you get the point. Even though you know that there's no chance (or maybe there is?) and your reasoning leads you to the conclusion that it'll never happen (but it just might, if I'm patient and scrifice a chicken tomorrow night) and even your friends tell you that there's no way in hell ( my friends are all wrong!), there are still those comments (these ones right here) popping up in your thought all the time.

The natural conclusion is that usually one brings themselves in a situation where you confess and purt everything on one card and ... and ... she's really nice and tells you with a smile that there's no way in hell ... EEEK!

But that she still considers you a good friend ... aaaaaargh! Death!

[repeat until you pass out]

[Loki passes out]

[travis travis]

quote

Quote:

Loki: Bad. I know. But can't help it. So instead of pursuing her, I put her in my drawer of unresolved cases.

Heh, one of my own kind.

But I suppose I've learned a thing or two. First of all, if you want to play the game, that's exactly what you'll be playing. You can't accomplish anything as the limp noodle on the sidelines, you've got to be the guy scoring. But personally I think the game is fucking stupid. As in, the rewards don't justify the playing, and they are typically as false as the rules and pretense of playing a game.

I'd just relax. I've had girls all over me in my time, and you know how much I typically assert myself? Not at all. That's right, the grungy silent type doesn't have to do jack, and some of the most beautiful and interesting people on the whole planet have at some point shown interest in me. Now crap me for not being good at handling that interest younger cause now I have to lament what I've missed from time to time[shyness is a retarded thing to live with boys and girls, curb it as soon as you can to a reasonable degree at least] , but things get better all the time. I think the best you can do in the game of being human, not just getting a girl, is being your damn self, a self you are comfortable with, no apologies. That seems to reap benefits in all sorts of ways at times expected and unexpected.

oh, and Liser, it's not uncommon for younger sensitive guys (and girls) to be down on partying - but don't be down on it too much. it's just people getting together man, relax. I know when I was young I would sometimes take it as a horror the notions I had of what lowlives some adults and other kids were, but it was more my own exaggerated emotional perceptions then what was what. my opinion of things: relax, get to know people, be open, and be 'centered', secure in yourself man. the girls will be coming at you.

The relationship isn't made while you are trying to plan a relationship, it's made by acting like a normal person with another person.

[ April 15, 2002: Message edited by: travis travis ]

[mythwarden]

Loki,

You're about to go work on LoR2, bro. Don't trip on it while your here. Tell her how you feel then go take the contract work for a few months in New Zealand.

When you get back...time will have changed many things and you'll have a fresh perspective.

Time answers all.

-myth

[Lunatique]

Giant Hamster-- It's okay dude. I'm often misunderstood by people who only know a little bit about me, but once they get to REALLY know me, they'll see I'm nothing like what they thought.

Okey, Liser, here's some stuff from my personal experiences, including observing those of others.

Being exciting does not necessarily mean becoming some extreme sports guy, it just means allowing yourself to be imaginative and eccentric, without worrying too much about what others think. Even a guy who sits in front of the computer all day can be exciting--if he knows how to express himself in an intriguing way. Granted, a lot of this has to do with personality--some people ARE just really boring.

Here are some things to consider:

1)Do you worry too much about what you should or shouldn't say? If you do, think hard about WHY often times you don't say what your instinct tells you to say. You'd be surprised at how much you can express without getting the negative response you THINK you might get. Try lowering your guard and say all the wacky, funny, slightly offensive, raunchy, bizarre things that comes to your mind. Of course, be WITTY about it. Don't just blurt out some clumsy, lewd, and insensitive remark and get slapped. A typical guy would do that and get slapped, while a witty guy can get away with saying almost the exact same thing, except he would get the girl instead of getting slapped. The key is: IMAGINATION and CREATIVITY. Conversation is an artform in itself.

2)Allow yourself eccentricities; being a goodie-two-shoes is pretty damn boring. I'm not saying go be a bastard asshole or anything, but being naughty and weird has its rewards. Next time, when you feel like stealing a kiss from a girl you think that might be interested in you, don't hesitate. Just do it. Follow that kiss with funny comments like, "Let the slapping commence!" or "Whoa, my mind just went blank for a moment." Don't be afraid to wink at someone, or give them that "I want you" look. Show your desires, and you'd be surprised at how a girl might respond.

3)Things you only see in movies: I can't tell you how many times I hear people say things like, "Man, that's the kind of stuff you only see in movies!" when I tell them about my past experiences. My question is, WHY is it so unthinkable to do the kind of stuff you only see in movies??

Characters in movies act out their fantasies way more often than people do in real life. Many people think what happens in movies are "too outrageous" or "unrealistic." Well, I suggest you pay CLOSE attention to the reaction of a girl the next time you sit down and watch an "unrealistic" movie. Notice how she blushes and smiles at the "unrealistic" actions of the lead male character in a romantic comedy or romantic drama? Guess what? She wishes you'd be that "unrealistic."

So, the next time you feel like doing something outrageous, DO IT!

Now, here's come the physical attraction part:

1)it's true not everyone looks like Russel Crowe, Jhonny Depp, or Brad Pitt. But, you can IMPROVE how you look DRAMATICALLY.

2)Most guys are too lazy and insecure to put too much thought into their appearance. WHY?

Would you prefer a girl that lets her hair hang limp on her head, wear nothing but a big t-shirt, a pair of sweats, and sneakers all year, or would you prefer a girl that wears clothes that ranges from cute little sexy skirts to elegant, classy dresses, with comfortable sweaters and ripped jeans in between?

Pretty much all the men prefer a girl that will wear different things and can pull off cute, sexy, classy, casual...etc. So, why don't YOU do the same as you expect from the opposite sex? Look at the clothes that women wear--no WAY in hell they are all comfortable and convenient to wear. Hell, if being comfortable is the only thing girls cared about, we'd get some pretty boring looking girls. So, if girls go out of their way to look good for us, why can't we go out of our way to look good for them? Fair is fair.

The next time you drool after some chick in a MTV music video, remember that the girls are drooling after that singer or guitarist too with the rockstar look. Be adventurous. Go buy a nice rockstar shirt and a pair of kickass black boots. Or, if you are a hip-hop dude, throw on that pair of baggy jeans and that Tommy Hilfiger shirt. Spend more than 10 seconds on your hair, and try to smell nice(please don't DROWN yourself in aftershave or clogne).

You might say, "I don't CARE about all that SHALLOW stuff."

Well, if that's the case, don't complain when you get overlooked.

Now, there are ALWAYS exceptions. Some chicks dig techie geeks and HATE the good-looking rockstar types. A friend of mine is a super hot 19 yr-old elf maiden looking princess, and she married an overweight, glasses wearing, slightly balding game tester. He's not rich, nor is he good looking, but what they have between them, is more true and precious than most relationships I've seen.

So, in the end, you can try all you want, but true love will happen by itself.

Basically, you can improve your chances in the dating pool, but you can't improve you chances in true love.

I might get the rep for being the official sijun pimp, but believe it or not, the only thing that's ever mattered to me is true love. I personally hate dating, and try not to do it at all.

[ April 15, 2002: Message edited by: Lunatique ]

[Basement bound]

AAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhh, there is so much here.

Loki, good luch man. I mean that.

I am a true believer in soul mates, you will know her when you meet her. Just make sure that you meet her. Talk to everyone......

Okay wait a min most people that know me see me as an carismatic person, that at times is loud and tell you the truth have the balls the size of Asia. But, I have to like Luni's friend get over that hump of fear of rejection. I must admit I talk alot and pump up my fiends, but for the most part I wimp out mayself. I am like Clark in Smallville, everytime I get close to that Lana Lane I fall apart. I can talk to anyone that I have been introduced to, but the cute one across the room that I have been looking at all night. Needs alot of liquid courage.

Back to what I was saying...... talk to everyone you will become more comfortable in converstation. Bars/clubs unfortuanatly are great for the viewing, but kill conversation. Try anyways, say Hi I'm Basement bound.....
and go from there get a drink or go some where quieter to talk.

I make it a goal to myself to talk to that girl across the room by next Sunday.

*grabs bull by horns.....*

[Lunatique]

I forgot to add something.

Sincerity can make a huge difference. If you are just putting on an act, you will break the disguise sooner or later. Just be sincere. Say what you mean, and do what you desire. Sometimes passion and sincerity can ignite flames that you didn't think were possible.

[Sedone]

Listen to Lunatique brothas, cuz he be speakin' da true gospel!

If you're looking for a date, then that's a crapshoot. But if you're looking for something deeper than just gettin' it on, all I can do is tell you my own story, because stuff like that is different for everyone.

The right girl is out there for you. My girlfriend totally rejected me when I first asked her out. This was in high school. I was in the "let's be friends" zone for four years with her, which sucked because I had to watch this loser jock take the girl of my dreams to homecoming games and prom and all that other good stuff. I flirted enough with her to let her know I still liked her, but not enough to push her away.

Anyway, fast forward four years and I'm leaving home for art school. I decide to write her a letter to tell her exactly how I feel. Now, this can either be the most romantic thing a guy can do, or the lamest. It all depends on the situation and relationship you have with the girl. I talked to her all the time that summer, so writing her a letter before leaving was a romantic thing to do. Plus, it was very much against the type of guy I am. I normally wouldn't write letters so it just really surprised her, I guess. To make a long story short, we ended up together (yay!), and have been together for six years. So the moral of the story is, artists do get the girls, or rather, artists do find true love. When it happens, you'll know it. Until then, concentrate on your artwork.

[Loki]

Worst is - if things don't work out - THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

Except leaning back, dropping a soothing tune in winamp and think about your miserable life ...

The only thing is giving it time - and I'm not talking about days or weeks - I'm talking about months or years ...

[Loki sits down, waiting for time to pass]

[Loki]

Sedone:

Very well said. Artists DO get the girls. It doesn't depend on what you do. But usually artisticly inclined people have their gates wide open to emotions, that why we're walking the path we walk - and that's not a bad thing.
Being a jock (in attitude and looks) might get you laid and might getcha a girl too, but having eyes and ears wide open is good too - actually I prefer it - because once you are with a girl you can lay an emotional pipeline, 48 bits wide. Which, excuse all the geek references - but that's who I am, will enable you to feel more, communicate more and enable you to be a better man to your awesome woman.

myth:

We'll see what happens during the weeks (4) til my departure. But I don't need to tell her anything. I have time. Because if I would tell her (which I did a while ago in a drunk state - do not do this, haha) I'd just freak her out. And I have time. I first met her three years ago, so there'll be more time.

I'll just go to NZ and when I come back, we'll see. I'm sure I'll return just in time to be introduced to her new boyfriend.

Another thing to mention is, that she's 26. When I remember me being 26 - I just wanted to DO things, experience them. So it could be that I will have to let her slumber in my x-files drawer for 2 more years. And you know what? That's fine with me. If I can just get her out of my head. Time will tell.

Concluding I have to say that I'm glad I'm back at Sijun - I missed threads like this. With such great participation, passion and wisdom.

Have a good night - drunk and sleepy in LA

[ April 16, 2002: Message edited by: Loki ]

[Giant Hamster]

Me So horny, Me love you long time.

[edraket]

I just wanted to back luna up with the clothing thing.

You are an artist..so you have taste.
Those clothes you are wearing..well they don't look like that.

Get nicer clothes. Get man clothes. If there is anything I have found out now that I am the trustee of many of my wifes friends is that women appreciate a classic dressed look more often than anything that young guys usually wear.
If you wear sporty type t-shirts and jeans you look like an adolescent. If you wear dresspants and a button up shirt (not of the dorky kind) you look like a man. If you get my drift.
Wearing goodlooking clothes might also help you to get more confident.

There is also one other thing that has a big effect on all this...
Are you at all thinking about what you want in a girl? You sound like you are going for girls that are...er..of the dumb kind. At least somewhat. Decide what you want and go for that. Chances are you will find someone that wants the same in you.