[Gimbal8]

I forget the comedian's name.

"I like going to the beach to hear the kids jump and scream...


...they don't know I'm only using blanks."

And something I heard my father-in-law say once:

"If I wanted any shit out of you I'd squeeze your head."

[Rat]

BS is the abbreviation of two synonyms: bullshit and Britney Spears.
-Rat

[Snorkles]

A girl in my class had to much to drink, and was very unhappy because she thinks she is too short(she is very short), and so she sat in a hotellroom(The whole class was there(we had been to a club(we were on a class trip to Budapest)))going on about how unhappy she was, when I said: Dont cry, I�m sure there is some dwarf out there that wants you too!

[surferboi]

"listen officer, i think she told me she was 18, but its so hard to remember all my kids birthdays" -someone out in kentucky probably said that once

[Lapjos]

Film quote from 'The Commitments', one of the white members of an Irish Soul band said this with a broad Iris accent to some kids who had watched him playing the sax

"I'm black and I'm proud"

Once I went to Strasbourg. I hadn't spoken french for a long time. It was early in the morning and I wanted to drink something.
Usually there is only breakfast at McDo so I asked the cashier if they have milkshakes "Vous etes des milkshakes?" *grin*

[roundeye]

"get a banana, ya monkey"


written in response to an email ending with "get a life" from attrition.org mailbag.

why is this funny? i dont know, but i laughed for quite a while. perhaps it was the pint of gin.

[Rat]

Here's another one I heard in my class today.

Alex: "This weekend I knocked myself out."
Marc (to the entire class): "Trying to save us the trouble."

Another:
Nowhere on your birth certificate did it say life would be fair.

[Waldo]

"why is this funny? i dont know, but i laughed for quite a while. perhaps it was the pint of gin."

[Rat]

Lapjos - That was a good (and funny) movie.

Waldo - I wish I'd thought of using that. I laughed for a few minutes over it.

"He celebrates being an ass."

Daria ponders whether having a relationship must necessarily involve touching another human being.

Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen," As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."


If you're wondering where I find all my quotes: everywhere.

[Shadow-X-]

"Happiness is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth."

and my joke of the day:
There are three penguins taking a bath. The one penguin turns to another, and asks "Pass the soap"

[edible snowman]

fat kid: Dude, that girl is soo hot..
other kid: i dont think so, she kind of trashy.
fat kid: But she has big boobs, that makes her hot.
other kid: you have big boobs, and you're not hot.

[Rat]

I know two people who fall under that category. Unfortunately, I'm related to one.

We were talking last night and dad said:

"If you head north on eastbound Lougheed..."

It was funny at the time.

[palladia mors ']

"vittu, kyt�t soittaa poliisit!!!"

roughly translated from finnish:
"fuck, the cops are calling the police!!!"

some bloke with the gracious help of mr. alcohol at a rock festival last summer