[shinobithief]

Hey guys, this is a comic that comic that i am currently creating.
I want to know what you would want to see more, less of.
Page1
Page2
Page3
Page4
Thanks for your time (p.s. my favourite one is probly the 4th one)
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"This is my, Main Offender..." -The Hives

[Awetopsy]

few thoughts:

1) The height of each panel on the pages makes it feel that it should read top to bottom, yet the story is left to right. On page one, because of the breaks between panels, my eye wants to go from panel one, down to panel four. you need to work on you layout a bit.

2) On page 2 youve cut off the top of the guys head on all the top panels, making it feel as if you should scroll up.. (I tried) Never cut off the tops of heads unless its relevent to the story.

3) Page 3. that is an amazing blood splatter on the window. I didnt know the head held that much blood.

4) On page 4, it seems as tho you've spent a little more time on the light effects, that can be good and bad, the lens flare in the side view with the car in the background, seems out of place. You dont even see a light that the lens flare could be originating from. and the panel where you see the guys face straight on, and all the blue and white lights on the side doesnt seem like street lights and other cars, although Im sure thats what they're supposed to be.

anyways, I hope you dont take that as a harsh crit, Im just trying to help you make what you've got even better.

[[666]Flat]

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[Loxley]

That godawful plot just burned a hole in my screen. You should thank flat for containing the damage as best he could.

[-HoodZ-]

OMG FLAT WTF LOL!!@@!1!!11!!!!

[shinobithief]

Awetopsy :thanks
Yeah your right nout everything cept the head. The head is filled with loads of fluids!. The original was going to show more heheh but you have to draw the line somewhere.

[666]Flat :Why did you blitz the thread and my stuff? Yeah you do good art and everything but I haven't oncegone around F*cking with peoples work. Nothing you said helped.

Loxley :it aint my plot.

I thought sijun helped artists. I prefer conceptart.org at the moment.. no one there is as rude. This opened on a bad note, i talk to some artists here and there ok. Its just those few.
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"This is my, Main Offender..." -The Hives

[Tomasis]

I have read dragonball Z.. and I found some mistakes of your comics..

too much texts, not exciting perspectives, not exciting expressions, a lot strange story ( mabye I didnt understand as well)

I will try make my own comic later.. it will not be easy even for me..

good luck at next time

p.s. you are rather good at colours and lines, i see
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out

[Keyser]

Dont take all the posts here to heart shinobi,
everyone has to go through it on their way to becomming any good at this stuff....
Awetopsy made some very good points, you would do well, to have another go at your panels... if only in sketch form.

You will be amazed at the difference you will see, and you will learn loads from it too.
My advice would be to look at actual comic books that have simerlar situations.. Look at how they pull them off, where they place the characters, panelling and camera angles that they use.

Thankfully we have people like flat to go so over the top to make posts like this great fun to read.
But I have seen his panel work.. and its not that good either.

Keep at it, and keep posting.
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::Edit your profile -

[shinobithief]

Thanks Keyser.
Yeah i'll have a go at that thanks All my images look better in there sketchy forms then i screw them up somehow. i need to learn perspective to i think. I'll have another go at page 1, post it an see what you guys think think (when i've learned a bit more )
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"This is my, Main Offender..." -The Hives

[Metz]

i dont usually read too much comics,
but i really like this one. keep it up
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- the world has turned and left me here -

~Metz

[neff]

[[666]Flat]

[CwStone]

I dont see why everyone thinks the plot is so hard to follow! Heres what i think it is. This guy wearing a bandana is doing illegal stuff with this other boss guy, and the bandana guy is giving the boss guy illegal stuff for these maps. Now, the city doesnt like it when people misbehave, so they send a hitman after em. The hitman kills the boss guy and the bandana guy goes into hiding in fear of the hitman. (i said bandana guy and boss guy cuase they dont have any names in the comic)

oh an ps, i liked the comic u just need to practice ur inking a little and ur layout.
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-Chase

[shinobithief]

CwStone:
Yeah Your spot on there!
thats what is going on. I'm going to try and post a better page one as soon as possible.
Oh yeah !
For inking i used a:
Sanford sharpie
Black biro
is that ok? if not can anybody tell me what good to use? thanks

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"This is my, Main Offender..." -The Hives

[CwStone]

Well, i've never used those, but i have used rapidiographs. I find them pretty good, u can refil em and thy last for a long time. U can also get them extremly thin or extremly thick. The only bad thing about em is that once u put the ink down on the paper its black, period. U cant get any gradation unless u use cross hatch or stipling. They are also pretty expensive, (about 20 bucks a pen, and that was a while ago. it might of raised since then) but mine lasted for about 3 years with regular useage. Another thing: If u are thinking about using a rapidiograph, i sugest just buying a very thin one. This way u have ur pens, which im assuming can get pretty thick lines, and then the really thin rapidiograph, which u can use for really fine details. One more thing: if u buy one rapidiograph it can only draw in the size that u bought it as. If u got a really thin one, it can only draw really thin. And vise versa with a thicker one. I hope this was somewhat helpful.
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-Chase

[Kortez]

Good job, nice colours and lines.

But I think you should worry more about the placement of the frames(& balloons) and over all framing techniques. It makes it kind of hard to follow.

btw. you sometimes get the feel that you put more effort into some frames. For instance, the frame where the bandana guy stands in the door, and then the close-up of the bandana guy. It's as if you put more effort in the close-up

Other than that, nice comic!
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It's not cheating if you put peanut butter on your genitals and let your dog lick it! It's not... IT'S YOUR DOG!!

[phoenix45000]

As the official scriptwriter for this comic I am not that concerned some people find the plot difficult to grasp just yet. The script I have written goes further than the artwork does and begins to unfold into a much more spectacular fic later on.
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America spent $12billion creating a Biro that worked in outer space..... Russia used a pencil!!!

[CwStone]

[MoleculeMan]

I think the biggest reason that the plot is hard to follow is the presentation in the comic. None of the frames line up, and normally when you read English comics they should, when they are supposed to be read from left to right anyway. Personally, i don't really like this comic. There is too much white space between the panels, maybe filling it in with black would help. The plot reminds me a whole lot of Ghost in the Shell at this point. you know, secret organization puts down terrorists by shooting them in the head from another building. (Why do important members of the revolution always sit near a window, you'd think they'd've learned by now.) Basically i think the biggest problem with this comic right now is the poor organization. You have to remember that comics are more than just art with words; they tell a story. The panels should facilitate ease of reading, or help the reader take in all the information. Also, the bubbles are, obviously, awkwardly filled with text, sometimes running into that v thing that indicated who's speaking. I dunno, this is a work in progress so i guess there is plenty of time to clean this up.

jake

[tilokani]

I vote Flat to repace bush,

nice do-over flat, three thumbs up
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