Sijun Forums :: View topic - Kyrian Chronicles

Saiyan · Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2002 3:56 pm

Hello,

here are the first 2 pages of my online manga (or anime comic book) : The Kyrian Chronicles.
More info about the Chronicles on www.saiyan.ch

Comments and Critics are very very welcomed Smile

...
Thanks ... and Happy New Year !!! Mr. Green

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Matthew · Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2002 4:53 pm

Wow! Very nice. Smile

paranoid? · Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2002 7:34 pm

love the sky n_n
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Jimmyjimjim · member Member # Joined: 12 Dec 2002 Posts: 459

Very cool indeed! I love the coloring.

Two minor gripes-

The sky and darkness suggest to me that there would be alot of wind. Making the character's hair more "windswept" looking would add to the drama factor.

I remember hearing from one of Marvel's artists that you should NEVER break the panel borders. I'd have left the last vertical frame off the 2nd page and made the bottom right panel full-bleed instead.

Very impressive stuff, tho.

Simoom · Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2003 4:27 am

The Grammar Nazi's have arrived! just wanted to point out that "I'm wondering" should be "I wonder"

Also, I probably wouldn't do the * (Hard Echoing voice) thing, cause 1) I didn't notice it at first, and 2) its kinda undramatic to have his tone told to you in a subnote. You should try playing with the font to make it look fearsome and echoy or with the shape of the word bubble. I'm not entirely sure what "hard echoy" is, but you can probably represent it graphically in the ways I previously mentioned.

Saiyan · Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2003 6:08 am

Thanks. I'll get the grammar fixed then Smile

, and I'll also try to have the text represent the echo of the voice of that character. I thought about it but I wasn't sure how to make the adjustement on the font visually... I'll have to work a way.

As per the panel borders... it's my first pages ever so I might not respect all guidelines that usually apply Smile

... but still I'm not entirely sure what you meant ? (sorry, English not being my first language I don't see what you mean by full-bleed).

As per breaking the panel borders (like the hair going out of it is that it ?)... I found it had more "style" to it... I loved Marvels when I was younger and a few years ago I discovered Spawn, which doesn't seem to have any kind of rules as per panel limits Very Happy

and I really liked the way some Spawn pages jumps at you.

Thanks a lot for your comments and tips !!!
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Saiyan

http://www.saiyan.ch

Saiyan · Posted: Thu Jan 09, 2003 2:11 pm

Here is page 3. The pages are updated weekly (every Monday) on http://www.saiyan.ch.

Comments and critics welcomed,
Thanks in advance,

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Saiyan · Posted: Sun Feb 02, 2003 2:11 pm

Here are the following pages of my manga. What do you think ?
C&C welcomed.

Thanks a lot.
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http://www.saiyan.ch

Giant Hamster · member Member # Joined: 22 Oct 1999 Posts: 1782

"What is this Devilry?!"

"It's not Devilry, It's Digiorno!"

"Nooooo!!!!"

and we all explode.

I think a little work on the diologue here...especially that split dialogue and internal monologue. It's just weird looking. Example: I wondered about where I could find such a jewel. So, I asked the wizard, "I wonder where I could find such a jewel...", wondering about where I could find such a jewel.

Redundant. Not overly redundant but still cheezy and annoying sounding.

"You're stupid! I also think you're dumb!"

PuC · Posted: Tue Feb 04, 2003 3:15 pm

i like your manga, I would try to make it a bit less clean though, it looks kinda plastic sometimes ya know?
oh and on the text.. "to die" should definetly be "DEATH!"
in the part where he sais get ready, ready for what?
its way more dramatic.. and shorter, less reading is always good in comics

on the other hand dieing (or however you spell it) and death arent quite the same.. well your decision.. I would change it.

I like how you did the bad guy, he looks really powerful and evil, especially when hes charging his powers..

keep it comin..
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Saiyan · Posted: Tue Feb 04, 2003 3:45 pm

Thank you for all your comments and propositions. I agree, and I will soon change the "to die" into "Death"... it sounds a lot better.

Thanks again,
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http://www.saiyan.ch

Loxley · Posted: Tue Feb 04, 2003 7:50 pm

Owwww, the dialogue here is so bad Im cringing.

Get yourself someone who's does this sort of thing enough to know good from almost-camp-but-not-quite-so-just-bad and get him/her to fill in those bubbles.

+ Look into design/layout dynamics.

hotduck · Posted: Tue Feb 04, 2003 9:05 pm

WOW~!!it' looks like great~!!!!!
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