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Author   Topic : "...after a hard day in a coalfactory"
nevanlinna
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Joined: 16 Apr 2002
Posts: 123
Location: Finland

PostPosted: Sat Apr 20, 2002 2:24 am     Reply with quote
yeah, here is finally image. ~4 hours.
I'm quite pleased....but. comments.
but notice that this was my first portrait ever
well...


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nevanlinna
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Joined: 16 Apr 2002
Posts: 123
Location: Finland

PostPosted: Sat Apr 20, 2002 3:34 am     Reply with quote
...well?
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pixelsoldier
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Joined: 18 Dec 1999
Posts: 728
Location: Ontario

PostPosted: Sat Apr 20, 2002 8:03 am     Reply with quote
You waited ONE hour. Have some patience. People don't just flock to give constructive feedback when you're ordering them to reply to your thread. :P

I'm going to crit this, so please don't take offence. You need to address a few things before you can improve. If you don't have a strong foundation to build on, your house fill fall down.

- Why did you cut the composition off below his lip? How come I can't see his chin? It is a VERY awkward crop. I'm guessing you had problems drawing the chin area, so you just cut it off? :P

- Work on your anatomy. There are a whole bunch of flaws. I don't want to pick apart your entire image, but you really need to address these things. To point out just a few issues... his ear looks like a chewed up piece of food. :/ It also detaches itself completely from the side of his head. It seems like you taped it on the side of his face. The lips are VERY tiny, and the nose is VERY large.

-The hair could use a lot more work. Try using the hard edged brushed more instead of the airbrush. It'll at least help you separate planes in the drawing instead of having them all melt together.

-I don't understand the significance of the "noise" in certain places. I mean, why am I seeing sharp white pixels in his eyebrow? Dandruff? :P

- The background is obviously rushed. I don't understand why you didn't just use a solid colour instead of a few transparent strokes over top of one another.

I realize this is harsh, but you seemed pretty intent on getting some feedback. Hopefully you'll be able to see that I'm not trying to dampen your spirits at all, but am instead trying to help you work towards building a stronger foundation for your skills. I'm sorry if I've upset you.
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Basse_Ex
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Joined: 29 Mar 2002
Posts: 251
Location: The rainiest city in norway

PostPosted: Sat Apr 20, 2002 9:16 am     Reply with quote
Messybrain could have been a lot harder on you. There really is a lot to pick on here.
Most obviously you should study anatomy, particularly faces and their profile, more. Much more. Doesn't matter if it's supposed to be charicatured or not, it just looks wrong.

Try to find some reference photos of peoples profiles, and look at both the contour, and the placement of things like the eye. Try to draw some silhuettes only, to see which shapes work, and which don't. Draw your friends. Draw yourself. Just practice.

Here's the link to a quick paintover I did in photoshop to illustrate how to "fix" some of the problems:
coalman

(You can take out the white parts and lay it over your picture to see the changes. It's by no means "correct", since it's done very quickly in photoshop with a mouse, but some of the changes made should definatly be for the better)
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nevanlinna
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Joined: 16 Apr 2002
Posts: 123
Location: Finland

PostPosted: Sat Apr 20, 2002 1:35 pm     Reply with quote
heh...the "well" message was just...hmmm
okay. thanks for your feedback. this was my first this kind of drawing with my paintboard..(I got it 3 days ago), that's why I was quite pleased with the result. Actually, I could have spend much more time with that, but it's hard to have it fixed more, and more...you always find out something to erase, and do it again. you just want to have it ready. But I promise you: I'm going to do much better after this! just wait and see....but well. (however, my Enlgish is bad! )
...thanks...
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NiM
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Joined: 21 Feb 2001
Posts: 91
Location: Stockholm, Sweden

PostPosted: Sat Apr 20, 2002 1:45 pm     Reply with quote
patience is a virtue
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nevanlinna
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Joined: 16 Apr 2002
Posts: 123
Location: Finland

PostPosted: Sat Apr 20, 2002 1:52 pm     Reply with quote
better?

that guy from sweden: Yeah, it really is, hope to learn more of it
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kryticalerror
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Joined: 20 Apr 2002
Posts: 9
Location: san diego

PostPosted: Sat Apr 20, 2002 2:40 pm     Reply with quote
1. why is it called after a hard day at the coal factory?

i think you should work on your substance.

2. make the shot interesting. if the center of interest is that man's eye... that's pretty much all there is, bring something else to the table.

3. my advice, work the head over again. you could save this image, but why not use it to mark you progress. please, mercy kill.

&
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nevanlinna
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Joined: 16 Apr 2002
Posts: 123
Location: Finland

PostPosted: Sun Apr 21, 2002 1:29 am     Reply with quote
yeha..it's called "after a hard day in a coalfactory" because, it is after that. I thought that would be a good name for this. I don't know if that is good or not...that was just my opinion. Maybe I'll finish this one later...I'm just not very interested in that after I heard what I should do again....I should erase everything...=)
but,a lot of thanks for advices, and good help!
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AJ
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Joined: 22 Nov 2000
Posts: 72
Location: Melbourne, Australia

PostPosted: Sun Apr 21, 2002 6:27 am     Reply with quote
I think your changes are an improvement nevanlinna.

The cheek line running from the corner of his nose to the corner of his mouth is too 'vertical' though, I think that can be taken further to the right. I can see how you might have placed that line in relation to the mans mouth which is very small. Try making his mouth longer (wrap further around his face to the right) then that crease line can be adjusted accordingly.

Also his ear needs to be bigger.

Keep at it, study some photos and get an anatomy book. I think you have the potential to get much better in a short amount of time.
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nevanlinna
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Joined: 16 Apr 2002
Posts: 123
Location: Finland

PostPosted: Sun Apr 21, 2002 7:50 am     Reply with quote
well, give comments...
if this is better...I'll finish this one!!

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Basse_Ex
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Joined: 29 Mar 2002
Posts: 251
Location: The rainiest city in norway

PostPosted: Sun Apr 21, 2002 8:27 am     Reply with quote
a bit...
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