[Lunatique]

Dude, what happened? Did you ask her? C'mon, don't keep us hanging!


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www.arcanum.net/~lunachild

[PandaX52]

stop discriminating against introverts at once!, sure, they don't expell all this energy at every obeject/person within a certain radius. JUST because someone is inroverted doesn't mean they can't be confident or likeable. Matter of fact, introverted people spend a lot of time working on themselves, polishing their psyche to a razor edge..our society rewards extroverted people and discourages introversion, judging by my observations of movies/music/ect. IM PROUD TO BE INTROVERTED!

i'm biased.....but my opinions are fun!

[Starseed]

Man. I read this thread and felt like I was living vicariously through your situation. I know exactly what position you're in

I am so surprised that I agree with 90% of the advice you've been given.

From what you've said, (unless you're a psychopath and take non signals to be signals) . . . she's giving you all the signals! I think if you wait any longer she may just ask you out herself!

Re: Introversion. I agree, Panda, introverts are not rewarded by society to the same extent as extroverts (in the west at least). Something I've found, though, in myself and others, is that people growing up introverted (not extremely) are "working on themselves" like you said. Then they become "late bloomers" and a lot more outgoing in late teens. I may be biased here also, but I think the introverts that shed their protective skin actually emerge as people with more presence than typical extroverts.

Come to think of it, the only people that I've really clicked with have been other introverts who have shed a lot of their introversion. Interesting, thanks for the epiphany.

-mt

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everything is relative

[Spitfire]

You know what allways works? be a looker. All the contact-efforts stand or fall with how you look cause noone wants to be smiled at by an ugly fucker.

It�s harsh, yes. Tell me about it.



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I am but a statue, impervious to love.

[Jucas]

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Well it has been awhile! OMG it was february when I first posted this... jeez. Anyways I thought I would give an update.

Here's the story:
A few days ago, in art class. We were all just sitting around and talking. Anyways, a girl (not the girl) was talking about her problems with her boyfriend and such. She told us how they were in a state of flux for awhile, but just recently her boyfriend suprised her with a dozen roses and a teddy bear on the hood of her car.
Well as she told that part of the story the girl (the one a drool over) over heard and said something to this nature;

"Ohhhhhhh! That's sooooo nice! I wish someone would get me flowers!"

I thought about it for awhile and decided enough was enough. This worst that could happen was she could say no, and it was close enough to the end of the year that I didn't have to feel uncomfortable for too long if I was rejected. So I decided I'd do something semi-romantic. I knew I couldn't get flowers or anything because it was in the middle of school hours, so I started drawing. I had the idea that I should draw a teddy bear, well everything worked out real well. The drawing was really great (if I do say so myself) and I wrote a note saying:

"The way I see it, there is no good reason you shouldn't have flowers too!"

And I left it on her car window after school.
Later that night I decided I should call her. I chickened out about 5 times, but finally my friend (who I was talking to on ICQ) said if I didn't call he would kill me or something of those words. Well... I called, guess what? She said yes. I am very happy and I want to thank all of you on all your advice, humor and support through this... umm.... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5! Month ordeal. Now comes the real hard part, the date. More to come....

[Lunatique]

It took you THIS long to make a move???

*faints*

Well, better late than never. Go get 'em, cowboy.

[Jucas]

And yet more problems...... I live in the goddamn state of oregon. If you know what that means, I can't have anyone in the car with me for the first six months of having you license. It wouldn't matter if I would have gotten my permit then license right as I turned 15 and 16 respectivly. But I couldn't afford insurrence at the time, and my parents wouldn't be caught dead paying and extra 1000 dollars a year. So I had to wait for awhile and get my license late. Now I can drive, but I can't have anyone in the car.

Lame! I know! But what am I going to do? I have no idea, here are my thoughts:

-I would break the law and just go pick her up, but I don't have a car and my parents WILL NOT let me break the law. They also know, and I couldn't lie and say I was just going for a spin or something.

Now if I didn't live in the lame city of portland I would just catch a cab, here's the deal: there are no cabs here, except you can call one in. That wouldn't be a bad way to go.

I know she has a car and can drive people around, would it be horrible to ask her to pick me up somewhere after explaining the lame situation?

I ask her to meet me downtown at a resturaunt.

ANYONE!? HELP!

-jono

[ambient-whisper]

dont worry man. just tell her your license situation..either meet at the restaurant...or sheel volounteer to pick you up. its not a big deal.

[Awetopsy]

better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all.

at least it will ease some of the stress.

It took me 7 months to work up the nerve to ask my Girlfreind out. And now she lives in a city 800miles away at school. <:P

but Im telling you, I dont regret ever asking her out. She is the most amazing woman Ive ever met and I love her more now than I did when I first met her.

So you see dude. Its never a bad thing to try. If she's right for you, you'll never regret it. If shes not right for you, you'll have learned something valuable.

good luck dude.

[Jucas]

YAY! She's going to drive. Turns out it will be more convienent for both of us! She has a nice car too! A red mercades benz. I can't believe it, I am going out with my dream girl!

[Striker]

so... are you gonna tell us how it went or not???

[Vgta]

Good lord, this is like re-living my highschool years all over.
Come on man, don't keep us waiting.
WE NEED TO KNOW!!!

[Binke]

oh my, this has been a interesting read =), its like watching a teen-flick hhehe, keep us updated..

[sacrelicious]

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much info, klaivu.

[ceenda]

Just one piece of advice.

Get to know someone BEFORE you decide to fall for them.

Remember that las I talked about here? I chatted to her a bit more and discovered she was a real bitch.

Talking to her was kinda like opening a treasure box, only to find that inside it was completely empty and about 1 inch deep.

[burn0ut]

man aint that some shiiet, ive got my own problems as of now, ive talked to this girl some, and wanna take her out, but i dont have a ride bah!

[Jucas]

We had a wonderful evening. Great conversation, the performance was great, everything was great. I was a little confused though... We didn't hold hands, didn't kiss nothing So I didn't really know if she liked me or not. I called her up a few days after the date, told her I had a really good time, she said she had a great time too and we are going out to a dinner and movie soon.

She is the most incredible person I have ever met.

-nought outta me,
-jon

[Lunatique]

Oooh!! Development!

You can try to hold her hand on the next date. . ..

Remember, if she is attracted to you, it should be smooth sailing from here on, as long as you don't do something stupid(for example, say something like, "so, beeotch, when you gonna put out?"), you should be fine. BUT, that also means, if she's not attracted to you, unless you are extremely charming, you'll end up as friends.

Good luck.

[adigra]

Wow, since I just recently joined this forum i've missed out on this great thread till now. I read the whole thing like a novel and, boy, was it exciting. I love the happy endings and this one is looking that way. Lunatique is one smart fella and he had some good things to say, most other advices were great. But you Jucas are the real winner here since your teddy bear drawing thing was ingenius, well done.

I also think that you should make a move on this next date. Doesn't have to be anything drastic. Something to show more than platonic interest, and make sure you don't end up in the "friend" category. That friend category was my biggest downfall in my younger days, I've learned since to not be so damn nice.

Please keep us posted this is great. By the way she does seem real nice from everything you wrote.

[klaivu]

bah. I'd pick my palm and an internet access over real relationships anytime.

[Vgta]

Just to emphasize a point already made, DON'T BE TOO NICE!!! be a gentleman yes, but don't be weiner either.
I forget to ask, how old is she? Remember women/girls usually go for:
A)Older guys
B)Bad Boys
C)Bad Boys
why? because they like a challenge.
that is 'till they get some sence(then they just tend to go for older guys, for maturity reasons)
Anyways, just be yourself, be nice, be a gentleman, but don't be a pushover. Oh and try being a tad more agressive. By this I mean, instigate the first kiss or just hold her hand...
Keep us posted.
We are all both living vicariously and rooting for ya.

[Loki]

Oh fuck.

This thread is amazing, because I think we all can relate to it. Maybe we can all realte a little bit more to it, because we're part of one group ( - in the widest widest sense).

What I mean with that is, most of us are artists - we like to sit at home and work on our stuff. And we're full of emotions.
[sorry for the generalizing, but you know what I mean]

Here we go:

Since you mentioned bad boys. And older guys and all that crap - that beamed me straight back.
When I was 15-17 I always had crushes on the girls in my class - totally stupid, because what a 17 year old girl usually wants are 20+ year old guys, because 17 year old boys are just not mature enough for them.

The dilemma is though, that this knowledge doesn't change the feelings, which are by god honest true feelings and here is where the pain sets in.
Usually it helps when you have friends on your side that either can help or with the age of 16 more likely distract you at least.

I was more of a loner at that time. I didn't know how to dress - mom still thought I was 12 I think - at least that's what my clothing looked like. And I was too shy, scared and 'untrained' to buy my own clothes.

Everybody else in class did so much better in my eyes - I also was one of the youngest, so that didn't help either. God - my hair looked terrible - I just hope there aren't still photographs around from that time - even Photoshop couldn't help.

[I'm gonna make this a real long story here - just want to write about it - hope yer guys don't mind - but Jucas please read it, maybe there's something useful in it for you]

When I first got to that school, when I was 15 I >totally< fell in love for a classmate - she was about one head taller than I was, totally mature already (trouble at home makes you grow up faster maybe).
We liked each other's company totally - we pretty much hung out all the time in school. But whenever school was over for the day, she 'vanished' home. We never hung out after school. Torture. I didn't know where she lived, I didn't know what she did after she left for the day. She never told me anything about her 'other' life either.
But I was just happy she was there. And we got totally close - sometimes we just looked at each other and knew what we were going to say - and just started laughing.

Little did I know that this was the start of a story that lasted over ten years.


Over the summer we kinda lost contact and the second year she picked one of our classmates as her first real boyfriend. I hadn't even held her hand or anything - and he got together with her. They were inseparable - I thought he was a dick. I had to watch this for hmm pretty much two years ... I felt totally a l o n e - I had nobody to hang out, things at home looked kinda bleak and worst of all, I couldn't even go out, because we lived in this little village outside of town and the last bus always left at 6:30 in the evening.

At the end of the third year, a couple of months after she had broken up with that guy, we were literally drawn to each other one more time.
We started hanging out again. I think her life was quite troubled at that time, but I only found out later (she had an affair with a married man as far as I know - but I had no idea).
I was seventeen by then.

She was still far ahead in maturity - she smoked - something I couldn't understand back then (oh boy, and now I'm smoking like a chimney), she went out and had her own life. But during these few days, she was mine.

One time we went to the public swimming pool together - we both loved water. And that's when she kissed me for the first time. Was my first 'real' kiss. No drug in the world can give the feeling that rocked my world back then. I'm sure the seismographs in Australia felt the shake though.

That night when I came home, I had a sunburn and was literally high. After two years I finally was where I wanted to be.

The week after I went on my first and last Interrail trip - up north - Germany, Denmark and then to Goteborg/Sweden. I was supposed to go up to Umea (that's where our beloved Enyala lives), but I was so lovesick, that I left my friend that travelled with me alone in Sweden(!) and rode the train all the way back down to Austria just to see her. And just because she was weird on the phone when I called her once from Sweden.

I was back on July 18th - one day before my 18th birthday. My parents were like "WTF are you doing back so soon?", but that didn't phase me at all. The first thing I had done when I got off the train was calling her and we agreed to meet the next day, my birthday. I was just excited to see her again, but also a little bit worried, because she had sounded weird again when I had called her.

So, the next day, 2pm, I waited at a tram-stop. She said she'd pick me up. I waited for four hours. Nothing. Couldn't call her, because I had no money left. So I decided to give up and catch a bus. When I was walking, I saw her coming towards me on her bicycle. Turns out I had misunderstood the directions that she'd given me ...

She handed me a little wrapped present and said "Happy birthday sweetie!", then she gave me a kiss on the cheek and continued "I can't see you anymore. I can't. I can't tell you why, but it's the best for you. Have a good summer. Take care." Hops on her bike and rides off.
That felt like someone had just filled my heart with fresh hot tar. The rest of my birthday wasn't too cheery either. Got in an argument with my mother, all the usual crap a newly 18 year old doesn't need when his heart got snapped in half ...

I spent the rest of the summer recovering and actually met at the end my first more or less real girlfriend - lasted four months, but hey.

Summer, a year later. Two weeks before school started.
Looking back now, I realize that I had done quite a bit growing up during that fourth year of school. I had my own apartment by then, dressed myself in what was back then considered cool clothing (don't ask - I'll never ever tell you what, haha) and had an overload of self-esteem, something that I really enjoyed, looking back at my londer days. By then my Amiga demo scene 'career' had taken off too, so I was feeling gooood.

Magnetism. Again. We slowly started talking again. Nothing more. But one afternoon she said she wanted to go take me out to dinner. I agreed and looked forward to see her in the evening. We had Pizza and then ... one of the things I always longed for - she took me home to where she lived! We spent the whole weekend together, not one minute seperated. We didn't sleep with each other, but we were very close. I think that was the best time I had with her, ever.
After a week, weirdness began to creep in - my newly won self esteem had crumbled, because she was probably too much for me. I felt that I'd lose control any minute - and that she'd break my heart again. Now I know that I was right - I was still too young and overwhelmed.
So after a near-argument (it was nothing) I called her the next day and told her I couldn't be with her, that I just wasn't strong enough and couldn't deal.

The sad thing is, the time she spent with me that week, she should've been studying for an exam that would've allowed her to attend the final 5th year/class. That and me breaking what barely had begun, threw her off balance I think. She failed the exam and wasn't in my class anymore when school started. She had to repeat 4th class again. A whole year!

At the beginning I was kind of glad she wasn't there, but boy did I feel guilty. On the other hand, I'm still convinced that this couldn't have worked out. Anyway ... bitterness left, bitterness right ... for me ... for her.

I finished school without any problems, except that motorcycle accident that tore my big toe nearly completely off my right foot, but that's a different story.

December 1991. I was 20 years old and moved to Vienna to work for a postproduction company.
Met a girl in February. Coolest summer of my life with her [also different story].

November 1992. I'm in the subway, driving home from work, when I see somebody walking by. Walk seemed familiar and height was the right one too (taller than everyone else, haha). Like struck by a lightning I jumped out of the train, everything went automatic, but she was about four cars in front of me when she got on the train. I had to get in another wagon, because the train was leaving. It took me about three train stations to catch up to the car she was in ...

[End of part 1 - dunno when I will write part 2]

I gotta go have a beer. Boy - I just had to write this. Not that anyone cares, but I do. Maybe I wrote this for me - I carried it with me for so long ... and I'm still sad to this day.
Jucas, just don't do what I did in part 2 ...

have a good one

loki

[ambient-whisper]

i enjoyed it

[Jucas]

Jeez man! LOL! Well, thanks for the advice "Don't do what I did in part two"... HEY! Wait a second! There isn't any part two!

[Lunatique]

GODDAMMIT LoKi!!!! Finish the fucking story! Don't you DARE keep me hanging like this!!!

PART 2!!! NOW!!!

[Zaphod]

I envy all of you.
My biggest problem is to actually fall in love. I don't know what's wrong (and nooo... im not gay). I've been with some girls but it didn't click at all. My first kiss was a big dissapointment (like, umh... well. Is this all?), and likewise those afterwards with that girl too. Also, she was very shy and didn't give me anything to work on, making me insecure of what se really wanted. etc.

And nowdays I'm never really interested in any girls. I have a lot of female friends considering that my school (art program) is like 80% girls. But I never find myself thinking "Wow, she looks great!" or placing myself my mind with a relation to a girl.

Typically I never juge ppl by their looks, and when I finally get to know them I always end up being their friends instead of their boyfriend material (in the case where the friend is female). I get compliments on how I dress and my hairstyle etc when I'm out, so me being ugly (although, I don't exactly see myself as a casanova) can't be the issue.

I've turned 18 this year and I've been single for almost a year. It's not like it bothers me on a daily basis. But I do get lonley some times (like now, after reading all of this), and I just can't figure out what's wrong with me. Or do I just attract the wrong girls (the uninteresting ones)?

Sorry to steal the topic from you Jucas, but it's late I'm sick of looking at that loonley bed and thinking of my (somewhat) lonely life.

And put up Part2 of the story damnit!!

[dr . bang]

I'm 17 and i give up. Take a look at my history.

Age 0-10: No GF
Age 11: No GF
Age 12: No GF
Age 13: No GF
Age 14: No GF
Age 15: No GF
Age 16: No GF
Age 17: No GF

And here's my prediction

Age 18: No GF
Age 19: No GF
Age 20: No GF
Age 21: No GF
Age 22: No GF
Age 23: No GF
Age 24: No GF
Age 25: No GF
Age 26: No GF
Age 27: No GF
Age 28: No GF
Age 29: No GF
Age 30: Dates a very attractive girlfriend
Age 31: She murders me and steal all my $

[Lunatique]

Zaphod- Maybe she just hasn't appeared yet?

Well, tell us about your type. What would she be like if she existed? Maybe you just have high standards?

[gLitterbug]

@dr. bang

gubrettiLg a very good friend of mine seems to have the same problem. (Name changed to not reveal the real personality of my friend)

[ceenda]

dr.bang: It's not a race.