Sijun Forums :: View topic

zeno80 · Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2001 4:14 am

Hey everyone, thanks for sharing all your great artwork. this is a panel from a comic im hoping to make and then self publish in Australia. Im fairly new here but please dont hold back, tear it apart. thanks in advance

heres the panel

and heres the rough i worked off

Weirdowe · member Member # Joined: 02 Mar 2001 Posts: 118

ooo, that takes me back to ... um .... yesterday...

zeno80 · Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2001 8:23 pm

hey guys, thanks for the comments

Fat Assasin: Actually used a poor photo for the pose- i can post it if anyone wants to see it. the guy was kind of portly around the gut so i had a lot of trouble on the guys chest- i still think his ribs are off. Thanks for the crotch observation, i'll have to clean that up-maybe show a flap of the pants in his hand.

Insane Spaghetti: Sorry man, did'nt mean to break the rules of sexual intercourse... honest. I guess hes just extra keen. This panel is actually just a knockup in the final panel, she will have undressed herself first. But hell, i dont want to give the impression that this is a nudie picture or that im a pervert so ill just say the entire scene will be very tasteful (very little nudity) and is only a small part of the book which deals mostly with suicide.

Zorglub · Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2001 8:29 pm

The guy has his shirt off but the chick doesn't?!? That's just wrong

Oh don't be afraid to show nudity, after all we're all perverts here
hehe j/k Cool sketch, seems very passionate. Keep it up.

Jucas · Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2001 10:16 pm

Good anatomy, for the most part. I like the girl, I can't find anything wrong with her. But I see a few things with the guy;

First off, how is he balancing like that? It just doesn't seem natural. While I'm pretty sure it's physically possible, doesn't look very natural.
Second, where is the guy's other leg? It could be forward. It would also provide a point of balance.
Third, why is he holding his hand in such an odd way? Looks like he's having a hand cramp or something. I'd make his hand down on the bed next to the girl.
Fourth, something bugs me about the perspective on the shoulder relative to the rest of the body... but now I am just getting picky.

-take it or leave it, hope it helps.
-jono

cybertoker2001 · Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2001 10:22 pm

Not bad bro. The guy kinda bugs me too, but enough about that, it's been coverd.
I'd love to see it inked and maybe some color too.

Post it again after it's finished.

Cool?

Take it easy,
CT2001

Snake Grunger · Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2001 11:07 pm

ooo, that takes me back to ... um .... never...

Fat Assasin · Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2001 11:16 pm

Nice clean style. I like the detailing in the jeans. Can't really see anything wrong proportions and whatnot. Did you use models or photos for reference?

It is a little odd how he's grabing his crotch, unless he's meant to be undoing his pants. But it looks more like he's just grabing it.

maceface · Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2001 11:35 pm

looking good so far.

what i would add is some heavier lines to indicate weight and depth. like on all of the lower edges of both characters. i think that would REALLY make the pic good.

InsaneSpaghetti · Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2001 11:36 pm

By all rules he should be grabbing and undoing HER pants. >=/
Nice anatomy, tho.

zeno80 · Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2001 9:53 am

thanks again guys:

Zorg: Sorry to dissapoint, in the final pic she will probably lose the shirt though, and thanks for the kind words.

Jucas: I took it and it really helped

firstly the hands flexed like that cause hes undoing his pants- thanks for pointing that out and i did fix it, aand i might bring the second leg into view as well so thanks for the helpful crit.

Cybertoker: thanks I might ink it but it will be a different pic takin all this advice into consideration (this pic will end up being the draft) but i need to work on my coloring.

Maceface: thanks dude, youre right gotta work on my line weight, itll probably make inking it easier as well.

maceface · Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2001 1:21 pm

hehe np man.

yeah it would help with inking...which reminds me...what are you gonna use to ink it?
pen? or brush? or both

zeno80 · Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2001 6:25 pm

Ill probably try and use nibs. Im really poor at inking and nowehere near good enough to use brushes. And again i want to thank everyone for their crits and comments, as someone whos never been to an art class i feel that all your help is helping me to improve as an artist

Dryfire · Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2001 6:43 pm

awe man.. that reminds me.. one day i will have a hot chick to lay down liek that upon ;-) lookin good though

Mordecai · Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2001 8:15 pm

quote:
Originally posted by Jucas:
Good anatomy, for the most part. I like the girl, I can't find anything wrong with her. But I see a few things with the guy;

First off, how is he balancing like that? It just doesn't seem natural. While I'm pretty sure it's physically possible, doesn't look very natural.

-take it or leave it, hope it helps.
-jono

awww christ Jucas cant you see hes using his
"3rd kickstand" **wink wink** to prop himself "up" .......so to speak

what... like you cant do that either???!!!
haha

lol beer gooooooood!!!