[nickmarksdotcom]

Alright campers. Here is the next page for the comic. It is a sequence break. It deals with the people in charge of my main character noticing something is wrong with him and handing out orders. And in the background we see some of my main characters inner thoughts.

Feedback neeeedddeeeddd!! is it good? does the page need more...suggestions welcome

[ime]

too clean comparing to other pages...
i don't like the textlines on the background being so plain and straight
and it doesn't look like real paper... also darkness of shadows are bit off

that's only my opinion...
and i think colonel should have more loosy sign not like a schoolkid

letters on the page below top one are too close to the edge

i'm looking forward for that comic
btw is it online anywhere as far as it's ready?

[CapnPyro]

the paper looks like a white plane with text on it.. add folds, or ripples, maybe a coffee ring, some stains or something.. or even a light paper texture. maybe have some legal ease at the bottom of the document or some phoney address, or a document revision number in the bottom right so as to give it more authenticity. those faces at the bottom are pretty freaky. neat job

[wayfinder]

hi!

dont use a font for the signature, do it on your own. script fonts always look crappy, and this one is no exception.

the blood is kinda .. too bright. real blood is pretty dark, really, unless it's mixed in water, then it gets about this color, although less saturated maybe. think of it like this: the red in the blood is basically rust, so use a somewhat dark, red rust tone. there's also a difference between artery blood and vene blood, does anyone know which one is lighter?

I suggest you use freehand or somesuch tool to layout the page and open it in photoshop as an EPS. freehand allows you much more freedom with typography, and i think you should go for a less perfect look here as well. this is the army, not a design firm, so be careful with following design rules too closely. the encryption warning would make more sense if it wasn't on the sheet, but on an envelope the sheet might be peeking out from. maybe add a encryption stamp on the sheet. the ::: separating the diagnoses makes no sense in an efficient environment. just use full stops, i'd say. try to think bureaucratic: a minimum of budget, a maximum of information on a minimum of space.

the text in the background, i dont think it should be wilder, or anything. but either make it a short mantra ("your eyes on me paranoia your eyes on me paranoia your eyes on me paranoia your eyes on me paranoia your eyes on me paranoia your eyes on me paranoia") or make it a longer text that does not repeat itself anywhere. the way it is now, it looks like you went out of stuff to say midway through.

anyway, this project is something that i am very interested in. i've noticed that you always try to get the very best out of what you have (correct me if i'm wrong, but you're not the most skilled drawer, right?) and you get better and better. your stuff has a strong vibe and a good sense of design. keep it up!

[Chris Holden]

yes, go with darker blood, and maybe not running like it is here. Have it like the page was laying flat and blood was dripped down on it frmo above. Also rought up this page, like it was an old wrinkled piece of paper all trashed out and some nice browns (like most of your other pages). I really like the expressions at the bottom though, really nice.
Dammit now I want to do a photosourced comic book too.