[[Shizo]]

While our bum kept remembering his bright childh00d, the gang members already went back to their office at Skidrow to check out how their pr0n site is going.. They noticed that their Frontpage-made design only repels people from thweir site they desiced to call our Bum and see what his HTML skillz can do..

[kurisu]

"Hello. This is gang-X calling. BUM - are you there? Come in. Over."



"We need you to redo our website. With Notepad. Fast. No one has ever completed a job like this - Alive..."

*1 hour later*

[This message has been edited by kurisu (edited March 21, 2000).]

[Shadow]

* sound of truck approaching *

" EY'!! JOBBY! GET JOUR SLOBBY A-HOLE HERE! I GOT SOME UNPACKIN' TO DO!!! " said the l337 h4x0r from // NOTEPAD WEBPAGES -- MADE WITH SKILL -- FOR STYLE \\...

"Okay boys, go get my 4 gigs of beer from the back, 9 boxes of frontpages notes and get me a good 386 comp"

the leader came up with his cigar practically falling out of his mouth "We specifically instructed, NO FRONTPAGE!!!"

"Oye, Yea Yea... Yo Jobby, change that to 12 pages of notepad notes... or just bring me the damn diskette!!"

[kurisu]

...a floating head appeared, exclaiming in a booming voice,


"IT'S NOT NICE TO PLAY WITH MATCHES, KIDS."

"Wha-what the hell is THAT?!" yelled a superstitious gang member named Bags.

"Light the match already," choked a convulsing gang member named Jobby.

[This message has been edited by kurisu (edited March 20, 2000).]

[kurisu]

Meanwhile, back at chateau skidrow, the pressure was on and BUM could barely handle the stress. He just didn't seem to have enough experience to get the job done well.



Pulling his hair out, BUM tried to come up with a website design that took advantage of the latest DHTML and JavaScripts while maintaining a smooth, dual-browser compatibility between Netscape and IE.

BUM was just about to lose his mind, when there came a knock on his cardboard box...

[This message has been edited by kurisu (edited March 23, 2000).]

[immi]

...and out popped a transvestite singing "put your hands down my pants, and i'll bet you feel nuts. yes, im siskel, yes i'm ebert, and you're getting two thumbs up!" to which BUM said...

[[Shizo]]

WTF was that?!!

[Shadow]

...
After a long battle against the transvestite, the bum went back to minding his own business, listening to some light music on the radio...

With no warning, an extremely loud siren came out of the radio "WARNING - WARNING, EMERGENY - WE ARE EXPECTING A VERY POWERFUL EARTHQUAKE THAT WILL OCCURE WITHIN 45 MINUTES, PLEASE HURRY TO THE NEAREST PUBLIC COMMUNITY SHELTER AND AWAIT MORE INSTRUCTIONS - WARNING - WWARNING".




The bum jumped out of his seat, grabbed the Windows 95 Startup Diskette and the diskette that contained all his saved files and ran outside to his truck...



[This message has been edited by Shadow (edited March 22, 2000).]

[[Shizo]]

Bum's car (made out of the fastest dumpster in the whole crime hood) rushed out from Skidrow when it was 5 o'clock in the morning. The roads were wet and it was a bit foggy, but bum didnt care and had only one idea in mind:

[Shadow]

HOW TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!! : Two cups of strong coffee, nine nuclear missiles, alot of money and a few porno magazines... As he was driving along the slippary roads, the ground started to shake and three of his wheels fell off, as he shouted "NOOOO!!! THIS BABY IS 19 YEARS OLD!!! 4 DAYS 'TILL ITS RETIRED!!!" but that wasn't his greatest worry. As the shaking ground pushed his l337 car over, the earth started to split. The bum tried to run, he ran as fast as his little legs could carry him but that just wasn't enough. He fell and he fell through the crack in the ground until....

[[Shizo]]

..he reached the bottom The bum's bum hurted so bad when he landed on it that he passed out for 5 minutes. When he regained contiousness, he looked around the dark place and noticed that it looked like underground dungeons where russians keep their nuclear missiles! He didn't want to believe that Russians were hiding underneath hi sown home town - Skidrow for last 20 years but that was the only horrible thought in his bum ..err head! While trying to remember few Russian words and trying to find a translator on the PC he took with him, he noticed the flickering light at the end of one of the tunnels. He heard voices in strange language and when those people came closer to him, they were seemed very friendly. One of the strong bearded men said:

[[Shizo]]

"I KISS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The whole group started to cheer our Bum and talk loudly, while the same Russian man added:


///lol i had to put this in///

[Shadow]

the bum knew that he had to escape somehow... but there was no way up, it was as if he was at the bottom of the grand canyon, then he remembered he had his l337 windows 95 startup disk right in his back pocket that saved the bum's bum many many times!

He pulled out the diskette and yelled *AYYYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* and threw it right at the russians, as the diskette was spinning in the air, it slit the bearded russian's throat and blood squirted everywhere!!

The bum tried to make a run for it while the russians were in shock and trying to save the bearded man but...


( P.S. u fake bums! hehe stop replying to yer 0wn work, give some REAL bums a chance to reply but...)


[This message has been edited by Shadow (edited March 22, 2000).]

[Shadow]

But then the bum thought to himself "I got plenty of porno, access to nuclear missiles, I could easily rob those russian wimpz... WAIT A MINUTE!!! IF I ONLY GET SOME COFFEEE!!! I COULD TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!"

The bum turned around and faced the russians with an evil grin and said "HA HA HA! HE WAS NO MATCH FOR ME!! HAND OVER YOUR MONEY OR I KILL YOU ALL!" all the russians dropped their wallets and ran into the kitchen for some vodka after a very depressing event, and then it begun, the journey of the bum, to find coffee!

(P.S. IF YOU CANT BEAT EM', JOIN EM!)

[kurisu]

First he checked his equipment list...


...followed by several hours of wandering the catacombs of top secret RNMF.



"Man, this place is spooky!" thought BUM.

But, he had a mission, and he pressed on...

...and on...

...and on...

until finally, BUM felt like a rat in a maze. He was losing his mind.

"SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF HERE!" he yelled.




[This message has been edited by kurisu (edited March 24, 2000).]

[Shadow]

running around like a krazy dog, he suddenly heard moaning. The bum froze and tried not to make a noise, and there he heard it again "heeaallppmmn", The bum rushed to the direct where the sound coming from and could it be? there was...

[Pixelator]

�SEE BUTTON?� Asks the strong bearded man.
.
.
.
�What button? What button?� says the BUM.

The bearded man point to his upper right and says �THAT ONE!-->�


�I see it�, says the BUM, �Should I press it ?�

�NO!, YOU NO PRESS BUTTON, AND YOU NO PRESS LINK ->"<YOU NO CLICK HERE>

The BUM was unable to resist the temptation and decided to click the above link...

[Pixelator]

As the BUM pressed the link and the button, the ground shook under his feet; it felt just like a big earthquake.

"What was that?" Asks the BUM.

You press �Quake� Button!!! you BUM???

�Quake?� asks the BUM.

Yes, answered the bearded man, this is a top secret �Russian Nuclear Missiles Facility�.
We make missiles and �big boom� stuff and we make California Quake.

The Russian looks at the BUM and says..

"Now, you know Russia secret� Now, you die!"

The BUM, realizing that all the earthquakes in California are actually created by the Russians had to�

[Spitfire]

...Santa Claus, gagged and chained to a damp old dungeon wall, struggling to escape before the evil RNMF stormtroopers would make coffee of him.




The Bum stood there, fighting an internal struggle of unknown intensity : "Free Santa and be rewarded forever with sweet christmas presents...or drink coffee now for instant gratification?"




[This message has been edited by Spitfire (edited March 23, 2000).]

[Pixelator]

A tough question indeed!

The BUM was in a dire need of a sound advice. He recalled that one of his friends was a bean-counter named Juan Valdez. Juan � thought the BUM � being a master coffee-beans counter will surely know the answer. The BUM has decided to send an email to Juan, so he took out his trusty BUM PILOT 4000 computing device and logged on to the www.BUMBUM.com network and start writing the email.

Suddenly�

Swoosh� Swoosh�

Looking up to the origin of the swoosh sound, the BUM hears a load and resonating voice saying�

�ME TARZAN!, YOU BUM!�

Tarzan leaps forward, stand next to Santa and they both start singing...

Jungle Bell,
Jungle Bell,
Missiles all around�

What is going on? Thinks the BUM...
Russians? Santa? Tarzan? Missiles?

What is going to happen next?



[This message has been edited by Pixelator (edited March 23, 2000).]

[Spitfire]

Tarzan and Santa grinned in a most vile and disturbing way as they slowly closed in on our poor bum... nervous giggles escaped them as the saliva dripped from their cracked lips. Bum backed away, tried to run, but its too late!



Our hero is about to become a true feast!


[This message has been edited by Spitfire (edited March 23, 2000).]

[Shadow]

Now the bum was really pissed off... he stood up from the pot and looked in Santa's eyes and Tarzan's bag, and said "I GAVE YOU A CHANCE! NOW YOU DIE"
as he pulled out his mighty b00mstick (aka. shotgun) and blasted those two bastards like there was no tomorrow!!!!!

[kurisu]

"Ah-HA! Oo-HOO! Ee-HEE!"

They laughed while weaving, giggling and avoiding the flurry of b00mstick buckshot.

Shocked and dismayed, BUM cried,

"You CAN'T be real?!"

[This message has been edited by kurisu (edited March 23, 2000).]

[Spitfire]

oh yes we are! oh yes! Tarzan cried. And you are our dinner, oh yes oh yes!

And they grabbed poor bum and threw him in Santa's lear-jet

and flew to a farway island where they...were going to DROWN him in a larg can of SHMOO!!! oh the HORROR!

[B]

But ALL OF A SUDDEN THE PLANE CTASHED INTO A MOUNTAIN!!!@!#!@#

OH GAWD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

so, anyway the motley crew of individual started scurrying about when....

[Shadow]

When they have spotted something in the sky... "IS IT A BIRD?!" said santa, "IS IT A TRAIN!?" said Tarzan, "ITS THE BUM!!!" yelled Santa as the bum quietly flew away on his parachute and off to safety until he was out of sight...

[kurisu]

And the inexperienced artistBUM glided towards the horizon with 7 nuclear missiles, 1 porno (pr0n) magazine, $4.03 in change, his trusted chimp Zeek, and a heart full of passion ready to take on an uncertain future as an artist/gigolo/webdesigner.


THE END.




[This message has been edited by kurisu (edited March 24, 2000).]

[Giant Hamster]

LOL =)

------------------
-JameZ the Giant Hamster-
the Hamster Alliance
www.mp3.com/jamezthegh
ICQ: 43691064
Musician,2d/3d artist, programmer,overall guru :)

[kurisu]

...Or is it?

.

.

.

..."THE ADVENTURES OF BUM"...

.

A Sijun Fellowship Production�

� Copyright 2000, all rights reserved. All stolen images and names are property of their rightful owners. We claim no responsibility for any coincidental similarity to actual or made-up persons, things, names, drinks, food, weapons, missiles, nationalities or otherwise. Click HERE to start the movie again

This wacky thread was brought to you by the following characters...

The CAST
(in order of appearance)

• an inexperienced artistBUM - BUM, our hero, likes to drink Vodka and eat Bread - sometimes confusing the Bread for Vodka
  
• the spirit of Dhabih Eng - emanates from anything he touches (even a discarded wacom tablet)
  
• Gang X - The infamous Skidrow Porno (pr0n) band of hoodlums
  
• squealing, bottlecap-eating gang member - cameo appearance by David Hasslehoff
  
• Jozeppi Jaspertonellafina II - Leader of Gang X, also known as Jozeppi Jaspertonellafina
  
• Various gang members - guest appearances by Michael J. Fox, Samuel Jackson and Jabba the Hut
  
• Bald Guy with No Ears - played by Alfred Hitchcock (couldn't get permission to show his ears)
  
• Bingo Hostess - voice-over by Roseanne Bar
  
• Green Beret Captain - motion-capture of Fidel Castro - also used as Gang X leader stunt double
  
• Zeek - BUM's special 'monkey' friend
  
• Smokey the Bear head - Floats high in the sky like a Batman symbol to ward off mischief by minors
  
• Bags - a superstitious gang member
  
• Jobby - a convulsing gang member
  
• Smokey the Bear head (Wasted version) - digitized image of Fabio just after his roller-coaster accident (note: hat & brown hair color added post via CG artists, courtesy of ILM)
  
• Lenny - jolly youngin' addicted to TV, crack and watching Word Fun
  
• Irma - Lenny's nagging grandmother
  
• a transvestite singing "put your hands down my pants, and i'll bet you feel nuts. yes, i'm siskel, yes i'm ebert, and you're getting two thumbs up!" - M. Jackson
  
• Band of Bearded Men - Russian soldiers pledging allegiance to the RNMF
  
• Yellow, Strong Bearded Man with Horns - Tech specialist and lead engineer for RNMF
  
• Santa Claus - played by Billy Ray Cyrus
  
• Juan Valdez - a master coffee-beans counter & friend to our hero
  
• Tarzan - voice of Dick Clark's Head, courtesy of Futurama Productions
  
• BUM (pre-binge version) - Actually, he's a paper cut-out we shot on the set (don't tell anyone)
  
• Easter Bunny - Grade A non-imitation Easter Bunny meat (ground)
  
• Barney - Savior of small children and founder of the Battered-Interest Dinosaur & Entertainment Technicians
  
• Special SFII appearance - Can you tell who it is?
  
• Evil RNMF Stormtroopers - The Russian Nuclear Missile Facility soldiers (see above character-listings)
  
• Greg Louganis - played with by Madonna
  
• Raddik - guest appearance by Air Force One evil Russian mastermind activist character person guy
  

The CREW
(in alphabetical order)

• B
  
• eLated
  
• Guybrush
  
• imdaking
  
• immi
  
• kurisu
  
• lungx
  
• Pixelator
  
• Shadow
  
• [Shizo]
  
• Spitfire
  
• Zidji
  

The PROPS
(in order of appearance)

• Vodka - BUM's best friend
  
• Bread - BUM's second-best friend
  
• Magical & Strange-looking drawing tablet of Dhabih Eng (also known as "Mighty Wacom") - BUM's snack
  
• Miscellaneous Garbage Cans - BUM's fridge and occasional cot
  
• Bread Crumbs - Litter from the mouths of various gang members
  
• Empty Bottles - Illegal Gang weapon contraband
  
• Gang Mech's - 1 red, 1 purple, 1 yellow
  
• 12-gauge Shotgun - BUM's trusty freedom-fighting message
  
• Smirnoff Vodka Bottlecap - Part of Jozeppi Jaspertonellafina II's collection
  
• Various Gang Weapons - including switchblades, uzi's and plastic spoons
  
• Various Sundials - for burning time
  
• $450 matches - imported from Africa, Russia, Europe and of course, Bum Land
  
• Old TV Set
  
• Dixie Cup
  
• Green Phone
  
• Stuff - 4 gigs of beer, 12 pages of Notepad notes, a good 386 comp and 1 Windows 95 Startup Diskette
  
• Cigar
  
• Cardboard Box - BUM's home & office
  
• Hand-held Radio
  
• BUM's Roadster "Skidrow - 01" - made out of the fastest dumpster in the whole crime hood
  
• "Quake" Button - not to be pressed at any time
  
• "Quake" Link - not to be pressed at any time, and under no circumstances!
  
• Various Russian Wallets
  
• Equipment List - BUM's Mission Impossible tally sheet
  
• BUM PILOT 4000 - BUM's trusty computing device
  
• Oversized Cooking Pot
  
• Santa's Lear Jet - "Santa Air"
  
• Large Can of Shmoo
  
• DK Whisper paraglider - complete with 4 weeks supply of food/water/entertainment & a bag of chips
  

Special Thanks

• Mom - you're the coolest!
  
• Dad - you're cool too!
  
• Dhabih Eng - without who's forum and generosity this would not have been possible
  
• Cousin Abe & his two-headed poser friend - Don't know them, do you?
  
• The World Wide Web - for makin' threads 'n forums possible
  
• Coca Cola - for those long nights
  
• Giant Hamster - for his undying support :P
  

Shot on location in Los Angeles, Paris, Jamaica and Guam.

Portions of this feature-length film were 'farmed out' to FX sweatshops in the following locations (listed in order of job placement):
San Mateo, Kristianstad, New Jersey, Bronx, the Netherlands, Germany, Canada, Vancouver, Area 51, Spokane, Amsterdam, Houston and refreshments from Sacramento

No small children, animals, vodka or bread crumbs were consumed in the making of this film. For the most part. Well, we DID work some vodka, bread and animals to the bone. The kids? We just ate those.

Word Fun� is made possible by Dhabih Eng's Digital Art Forum, Sijun.com.


[This message has been edited by kurisu (edited March 25, 2000).]

[Shadow]

NICE!!! G00d job everone! whats our next masterpiece?