[Giant Hamster]

"if its just a briefcase, how long does it last?"

came up with that abomination on the Lightrail today.

you got any bad ones?

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-JameZ the Giant Hamster-

The Hamster Alliance
AIM: Gianthmstr
Multimedia Producer/designer/all of the above.,overall guru :)...and music music music! weee!!

[coil_weevil]

Who had the longest umbilical cord, Adam or Eve?
-------------------------
Hi my name is Jesus Christ
Sure you won't believe me, but come over my parent's house one day. Sit down for a moment. You'll soon hear my father yell Jesue Christ what the hell are you doing to my dog, and then my mother'll say oh my GOD!! Then my brother usually says for God's sake shut the fuck up!

modify: I'm not the anti-christ, but I do dislike religion.


[This message has been edited by coil_weevil (edited March 07, 2001).]

[schabe]

2 cows are flying through the air. says the left to right one: "let me fly in the middle now!"

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if i cancel tomorrow the undead will thank me today (iron maiden)
(((www.jzone.de)))

[Jabberwocky]

Two flies were flying around looking for a she-fly. One sees one on a cow patty flies done and asks her, "is this stool taken?"

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?

A: Noeyedeer

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?

A: Still noeyedeer

Q: What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a collie?

A: A dog that will rip your arm off and bring it back to you.

I'll post more when my mother tells me more... she has the worst jokes.

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Hell doesn't scare me...
I scare Hell!

[PandaX52]

hA!...bring it back to you *chuckle*

[[Shizo]]

Moses come down the hill after talking to Gawd and say:
Good news is that i negotiated it down to 10. The bad news is that adultry is still in!

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nothing really matters

[Jezebel]

A man walks into a bar with a dog and the bartender says, "Hey you can't bring dogs in here!" The man says, "But you don't understand, I'm blind - this is my seeing eye dog." "Oh well I guess that's ok then." Right afterward the man lifts the dog over his head and begins swirling him around by his tail. The bartender yells, "What are you doing??" "Ooh... just having a look around."

---

A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We don't serve mushrooms here." The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fungi."

---

A guy is at a baseball game when he hears someone scream, "Hey Bob, over here!" He jumps up and looks around behind him but doesn't see anyone. A little while later, another scream, "Yo BOB! This way man!" Frustrated the man stands up again searching the crowd behind him. Just when the guy starts enjoying the game he hears, "BOB!! THIS WAY!! HEY!" And the guy, completely fed up, jumps up and says, "THAT'S NOT MY NAME!!"

Hahaha... man... the Bob joke rocks..

*cough*

...

*hides*

[edit: One more - Two sausages are sizzling in the pan and one says, "Man, it sure is hot in here." The other says, "OH MY GOD! A TALKING SAUSAGE!!" ]

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Take off your clothes. It's OK - I'm an artist.

http://div.dyndns.org/FOO
http://div.dyndns.org/beth/photography

[This message has been edited by Jezebel (edited March 12, 2001).]

[Loud]

Two guys walk into a bar. One guy says to the other, "Oh you didn't see it either eh?"

[Socar MYLES]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says: Why the long face?

What did the gay man say when he went to Hell?
Get thee behind me, Satan! (Sorry.)

What happens if you eat a mint?
You shit nickels.

Geraldo Rivera.

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My old man's a dustman
'E wears a dustman's 'at
'E wears gorblimey trousers...
AAAAAAAAND....
'E lives in a council flat!

Hey, I made up a joke:
Q: Why don't goths go to McDonald's?
A: They might get a HAPPY MEAL!

Heh, heh, heh.

[Dthind]

Two bulls are at the top of a hill , one old bull and one young bull. They are looking onto a heard of female cows down in a valley. The young one says to the old one, hey lets run down and fuck one then run back. The old one says, lets walk down fuck them all and walk back

-stolen from the movie Colors

[Kreuze]

This is something I've stayed up late nights pondering... could also be a bad joke :
If you're a fashion victim, why do you have to watch out for the fashion police? Shouldn't the fashion police be on your side?

And one my grandma told me from a time before humor was invented:
I opened the window, and in flew Enza.
(or should that be influenza? typing it out would ruin the joke I guess if there was a joke to ruin )

[This message has been edited by Kreuze (edited March 13, 2001).]

[Giant Hamster]

Old Blonde jokes:

a blonde is driving down the street and see's another blonde in a feild of wheat rowing a boat.
the blonde gets out of her car and says, "its blondes like you that make us other blondes look bad! And if I could swim, I'd come in there and kick your ass!"

How do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch-and-Sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool

"If I wasn't Wearing my underwear, I wouldn't know who I was...hey, these aren't mine!"

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-JameZ the Giant Hamster-

The Hamster Alliance
AIM: Gianthmstr
Multimedia Producer/designer/all of the above.,overall guru :)...and music music music! weee!!

[Bishop_Six]

I lifted these from a site I'm too tired to link to.

Two fat guys in a bar, one says to the other "your round."
The other one says "so are you, you fat bast**d!"

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.

An 83-year old woman decided that she'd seen and done everything, and the time had come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself she came to a conclusion. The quickest and surest way would be to shoot herself through the heart. The trouble was, she wasn't certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple.
She shot herself in the left kneecap.

A man gets on a train and sits next to a blonde reading a book called Sex Statistics. "Any good?", he asks. "Fascinating - American Indians have the widest penises, and Polishmen the longest. By the way, I'm Jane."
"Hi," he says. "I'm Tonto Palawlaski."

[RobT]

Why is it that you drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?