[Freddio]

To the citizens of the United States of America,

In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and
thus to govern yourselves, Great Britain hereby gives notice of the
revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial
duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah,
which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony
Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there
is
a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America
without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be
disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you
noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the
following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English
Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You
will be amazed
at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should
raise your
vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same
twenty seven
words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an
unacceptable
and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian
accents. It really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors
as the good guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",
but only after fully carrying out task 1.
We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of
football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders
may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no
longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a
difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play
rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does
not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar
body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US
rugby sevens side by 2005.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
they give you any merde. The 97 .85% of you who were not
aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves
lucky. The Russians ave never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for
"shit".

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a
new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive
Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it
is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand
what we mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

[kanabis]

hahahaha .... good one Freddio!!

it's funny because it's true!

[Isric]

hehehehe, I love it! Crazy american ethnocentricity. Copy, Past, Print.

[Psionic]

That absolutely cracked me up, Spiffing!!

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Psionic: Digital Artwork and Design

[ceenda]

Jolly good for bally ol Britain! Top stuff...


... y'all!

[solidtransient]

aaaawwwww.... come on, do we have to?.... man...

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solid
Control 2x

[Seven of Swords]

*Hands brit-boy a hanky and a scone* Oh, still smarting over all the lost colonies? Still bitter that the sun SET on the British empire some time ago? Hell, if I remember correctly, Canada and Australia just moved out of the 'house' just recently and I KNOW that everyone's still miffed at the who Faulklands thing...

The true problem is, that because of the internet, American English is the accepted set for English writing.

But oh well, at least you still have the dignity of your Monarchy, right?




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'...But it still makes me go, and do the things I know... All wrong' ~ God Lives Underwater: All Wrong

[Psionic]

Heh heh, This stuff is great!

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Psionic: Digital Artwork and Design

[sacrelicious]

You're just jealous... you wankers.

I wish I could live in New Zealand and learn the real spelling of "rediculous" and "desease." Or go to Britain and smoke a "fag." What a bunch of stupid gits!

From America, with love.

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mmm... sacrelicious

[LordArioch]

And now... the declaration of war on Australia.

[RobT]

All of you with your heads in the sand are looking at America through the eyes of the media. There is much more to this country than what the media tells. Take your negative opinions to random musings!

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RobT

Mindstorm Illustration

[Psionic]

I find it funny, you guys take it so seriously, so somebody made a spilling mistake (hah hah) just take it as a joke and don't let it get you down!

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Psionic: Digital Artwork and Design

[Lukias]

Have to agree about the media, although being informative its also telling half a story or whatever they want you to hear.

But comon....theres no other country that blows it own trumpet that hard

[RobT]

How does America blow their own horn? And who are you referring to when say America? American government, hollywood, society???


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RobT

Mindstorm Illustration

[Lukias]

An often said and heard statement "We are the greatest nation on Earth"

Now, although this is via - Yes media hollywood etc, have you ever heard it coming from other countries....them proclaiming that they are the greatest.
Hey this is just what we get....over and over and over.
I think though that this gereration is taking a somewhat different attitude than their predeccessors (sp?!).

[CapnPyro]

Ha, we might have reason to apologize if we weren't the greatest nation on earth, but seeing as how we clearly are i dont see any need too

btw, yall this is humor, like a joke email that you might get. no need to get your feathers ruffled, what are the limey's gonna do? conquer us with their tourism industry?

-Capn

[zero21]

Don't they do nuclear testing in Australia?

[RobT]

Well I never heard those words coming from anyone in real life but I wouldn't doubt it if you seen it on TV.
There are many foreigners in this country that boast about the country they come from. I look at it as pride not as tooting their own horn.

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RobT

Mindstorm Illustration

[Lukias]

I don't want this to get snarky....

But put it this way, I didn't just decide to make up this for no reason, I haven't got a vendetta or anything like it and yes I know alot of others who feel the same.

But lets a agree to disagree.....this ain't going anywhere.

[g:tech]

The US is a great place to live. I love it. So do tons of other people... more immigrants than we can shake a stick at.

Every country has their share of idiots (or inbreds, the "like, and fer sure" people, and lazy, trashy illiterate hicks), and unfortunately, usually they're the ones who voice their opinions the loudest and whom the media finds most interesting (talk shows, anyone???). With a nation as diverse as this one, it's difficult not to get a wide variety of personalities. So, don't think we're all fat, lazy, sex-fiends. Just most of us.

I do have to agree with the talk shows, murders, violence, etc, though. That just plain is awful and there is no excuse for it. Just don't live in Los Angeles or New York and you're fine! Hahahha!

But seriously, every country has their advantages and their drawbacks. The US really is a great place to live, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But of course, I've grown up here, so like many other people reading this forum, I'm a bit biased towards my own country.

Anyway, what does it matter? *cue the music* We're all the same on sijun.com, right?? We're all artists at heart! We all fight for a greater understanding and expression with our work! I say we start our own country called Sijunland, and move there, so we can all be frie..... *record screeching sound*

Um... what was I saying? Oh well. I'm sure it doesn't matter. I've got to, like, go and drink some beer, watch some football, and then have sex. Maybe all at the same time, or something, fer sure. Yeah.

P.S.: "AMeRIca RuLEZ, DuDE!!!!!!!"

peace,
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[Lukias]

Well wrapped up.....BRAVO OLD BEAN!!

(sijunland, I imagine that'd pretty cool)

[gear]

It looks like the neighbors are a bit too nosey?
God bless America.

[Lukias]

Nosey....this shit gets rubbed in our faces, we never asked for it.

[Striker]

"Nosey....this shit gets rubbed in our faces, we never asked for it."

Mmmm.. by flipping on the tv and watching American television programming and media/news coverage you ARE ASKING FOR IT... If you don't like it, watch whatever your own country has to offer for entertainment. Don't be griping at us for not pleasing the world. By griping at us, you in fact acknowlege that the US is the Superpower of the world and is the greatest country. Why not stop criticizing us, and start showing us how YOUR OWN country is better..? If we didn't show any pride in our country, the rest of the world would be mocking us for being *ungrateful bastards* that walk around cryin bout how bad everythin is when we live in one of the greatest nations on earth...

Before judging us by what the media presents to you, try visiting our country and seeing what it's like for yourself. And I don't mean doing the touristy thing and visiting the big cities.. take a look at the *real* United States and you will see that it's not the hell hole you think it is.. I've lived in, and travelled throughout, Europe and I know what most of your countries are like. Granted, I've never been to Australia or New Zealand, but I do believe I have a fairly frim grasp of where I am on a map.

And for the record, I have never seen any people from the US use this forum to talk trash about other countries, yet I have seen the US attacked on several occasions. Why do you feel the need to inform us of how crappy our country is?? Do you think that from the other side of the earth, you're in a better position to judge the state of a country than its own citizens are? I live here, I know what goes on, and I don't need someone on the other side of the planet telling me that I'm to stupid to be aware of my country's faults.

[Akolyte]

One answer:
ICBM

We have 'em, you don't

[yggdrasil]

striker, calm down... you're not exactly helping your cause with that aggressiveness.


regardless of anyone's opinion(s), there is NEVER a reason to be rude. so let's all tone is down a little, shall we?

the fact of the matter is, no country is better than any other country. anyone who tells you otherwise is either ignorant or full of shit. there is NO objective way to rank nations based on "greatness" or "superiority" or any other such term. for every good thing a country has, you can find a corresponding bad one. THIS APPLIES TO ALL COUNTRIES. it gets even more complicated once you realize that what some might see as a good thing, others will see as bad. so who's going to be the judge?

i will be the first to admit that i've noticed a tendency among Americans in particular to, as someone so eloquently put it, "toot their horn." by this i mean above and beyond what one might label simple pride or nationalism. reality check: the US is NOT the end-all be-all of nations. think about how long the US has been a superpower and then compare that to how long Great Britain was, for example.

on the other hand, there is a corresponding tendency among western europeans in particular to bash Americans as if they don't deserve any sort of credit at all. the fact is that the US, like it or not, has contributed many things to the world (and I'm not just talking about pop culture and fast food).


some light bashing among all countries is to be expected... hopefully it is all in good fun. but i think a lot of this excessive shit-talking is counter-productive. i mean come on, does anyone REALLY think they're going to convince anyone else that their country is better than the next guy's?

"my daddy can beat up your daddy..."


just my opinion, i suppose.
btw, i have lived in 7 countries around the world and visited roughly 20-30 more... so i am not just talking out of my ass.

-yggdrasil

ps - everyone knows that Sweden is the greatest country in the world. haha IT'S A JOKE... RELAX!

[edible snowman]

you know what, America is good and everything but f*** it. Australia, Sweden and wherever the hell else to. YOU ALL SUCK! hehe come live down in antarctica where the penguins roam free and the snowmen are aplenty. and snowwomen too ::wink wink:: we also boast no electoral college and its about as far away as you can be from George W. Bush

[Lukias]

Stroker - I'm not saying your shit or you suck (half the people from this board are from the states and are extremley decent)
But it seems that the *nation* as a whole blows itself up, I'ts not about the individual. Its not like you sit there going "I rock!, *I* am the man!!".

Hey, whats up with....

World series baseball.....one more time, *world* series baseball.....who plays?
Your the worlds best....your the only fucking ones who play it.

Dude your picture is the epitomy, the absolute sterotypical image of a american jock I've ever seen......I thought it was a fallacy!
Don't take offence (you shouldn't...you posted it), but its everything you see in your movies.......but hey, don't believe everything you see......Oops to late!

[el tigre]

Damn! Where's Shizo when you need him!

btw, the Prodigy were going to name their last album "The Land of the Fat" for release in America. *True*


"They may take our lives, but you will never take our FREEDOM!" - a short-arsed aussie

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arse, my pen just ran out. *shakes furiously*

[Flexible Elf]

This is quickly becoming an eyesore on the board. This thread should be closed. Any future "You're an idiot because:" threads should please be directed to the Random Musings (flame) board. Thank you drive-thru.

Unless we start an animated GIF war.. damn those are fun Oh and... they're ART :/

-Flexible Elf

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http://www.geocities.com/flexible_elf/Main.html